"Get Me Out Of My Head"

22

*Gerard's P.O.V*

"Gerard, wake up." Frank's soft voice broke through my sleep. "Come on, darling."

To be honest, I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to do anything. The only thing I wanted was to disappear after the mess I made yesterday.

I slowly opened my eyes and sat up. "Why?"

Frank looked back at me, surprised that I even said anything. "What?"

"Why did you wake me? I'm only gonna make an even bigger mess. I am a screw up, Frank! I fuck things up! I make things worse! Do you really want someone like that? To spend the rest of your life with someone like me?"

"Yes I do! You're not a screw up, you don't fuck things up or make them worse. You are my fiancé and I'm gonna marry you!" He sat down next to me, "And you're gonna be happy, and live your life with me beside you. You'll get better, Gee."

I was at a loss for words. He was right though. But I couldn't help but feel this way.

"Anyway, I called Dr. Catalina this morning, she said she'd be willing to see you at anytime."

I nodded. "Am I gonna have to start all over with her, like the Dr. Smith?"

"No, I told her all that when I called her."

"Okay."

"It's up to you when you wanna go."

"Now. I wanna go now."

We got dressed and ready to go.

***

"Okay Gerard, I'm gonna get right to work okay?"

I nodded.

"Okay. So tell me what happened yesterday?"

"I had a breakdown. It was pretty bad. I destroyed the bedroom, I made a mess in the kitchen and the bathroom. I hurt myself. I don't know what to do! I scared Frank! I don't want him to be scared!"

"Calm down-"

"Where is Frank?!"

"He's right outside."

"FRANK!" I screamed for him, a couple tears falling down my face.

He rushed into the room. "Hey! Gerard, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this without you here!"

"Oh, darling." He held me close, "I want to be in here with you. But I was instructed to wait outside for you."

"No! I want- I need you here! Please?!"

He looked at Dr. Catalina.

"You can stay." She told him.

Frank stayed behind me, his hands on my shoulders as I calmed myself.

"Okay, we're gonna continue, okay Gerard?"

I nodded.

"Have you ever hurt yourself before yesterday?"

"No."

"How do these breakdowns start?"

"Well... I get quiet, then- if my mind lets it get me- I start breathing heavily, then my mind starts screaming at me, and I start crying, balling my eyes out and screaming. Sometimes I hit things when it gets bad."

"Do you hit people or things?" She asked.

"Things."

"Let me know if these questions are too personal to answer, okay? Can you do that for me?"