Perfectly Fragile

Chapter Nine

The familiar sounds of sadness filled my ears once again the darkened sky sent the world to sleep.But the broken hearts of the pups refused to let up leaving little room for rest.it had become a nightly ritual over the years as soon as the moon graced the sky with her presence they sang their sorrows to the sky. like every night I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep until the last sound of sadness finally rested.

I couldn't help but to hold sympathy for the same creatures that plague my entire life their pain was to true for me to hold onto resentment. along with their cries I found ways to pass through the night I was forbidden to leave my room they feared I would sneak food or water without their say so. it had always been this way they handed me two bowels of porridge a day along with a glass of water. 'its enough to keep you running runt' were the alphas words each time he would bless me with my meal.

I know it was hardly a full roast dinner but I often wondered why he actually fed me at all. just another question to add to the never ending list. everyday when I would wonder back to the orphanage from the packs school I would walk in to finish my daily chores which consisted of cleaning the whole place up I wouldn't stop until the nightly bell rung signaling time for bed. as soon as Mrs. Creed locked the door to my tiny room I was alone my only comfort were the four walls that surrounded me.

I had to learn to adapt in telling weather it was morning or not I wasn't graced with a window in my shoebox room just a dusted springy mattress and a thin cotton blanket. I would just sit and listen to the busing footsteps of the pups getting ready for bed. until the night fell silent then around half an hour later their cries would start echoing along the old corridors. I'd find solitude in my wonderous mind creating my dreams and fabricating my freedom.

id pretend I was just an ordinary girl living in the ordinary world, i'd developed a love for reading whilst I was In school I found it only fueled my ideas and creative imagination. with every book I read I felt it come alive within my minds eyes. I had read books upon books about the human world I couldn only imagine what its really like. id pretend I had the freedom to roam freely the explore everything that was unknown to me . id find myself smiling at the very idea of being able eat what ever I please ans speak to whom ever I wanted.

in my mind I was free to make friends and create beautiful memories that were filled with love, laughter and happiness. eventually I would fall asleep once the pups sadden plea to moon had stopped to be awaken to another day In my actual reality. instantly it would turn my mood sullen but at least on the days I awoke on my dusty spring mattress I was free to heal from the injuries alpha would cause me.

I don't know how my positive outlook on life hadn't been ripped out of me yet , I guess when you don't have much else to go with you have to find some good. it actually angered alpha more that he hadn't ridded me of my hope, of my passion or my fire. my spirit was still pretty strong considering all id known was abuse and neglect. I don't know if that was good or just plain stupid.

it didn't stop him from trying to snuff it out of me though , some nights when id finally been able to fall asleep I was ripped out of bed each time causing me to panic. you'd think id be used to it by now but no each time my heart would sink and id wonder where I was until I heard his callous voice. thick with hatred he would take me down to the basement and sit me on a metal chair in the middle of the cemented room . the only source of light came from the dully lit bulb above my head.

my line of sight facing the old wooden staircase he dragged me down most of the time he would restrain me by tying roped around my hand to the back of the chair in a painful angle, as if that wasn't enough the rope was always so tight that I felt my skin burning under the pressure. in these moment id always ask the same question in my mind 'why di he hate me so much?'. this is where he liked to remind me of my lack of worth he would beat me ,cut me and sometimes whip until I could barley feel my life.

my eyes would daze until finally blackness took over Id awake the next morning to cold ice water being flung on to my battered body. gasping for air id shoot up until my body would protest and remind me of the damage. I would still be in the basement most the time in puddles of my own blood, Mrs. Creed would mumble a quick 'get yourself freshened up' before scurrying of to do god knows what leaving me alone with my battered body and broken thoughts.

out of everything he would do to me the most painful and the most hardest to overcome were the words he would make me use. forced to hate myself for hours with his torture I found it the hardest to shake all my wounds would heal but the emotional ones would never fully recover. I knew that for certain because each time he'd make me say them id believe them that little bit more.

I was thankful that he had left me alone for a while ,come to think of it he hadn't been around for some time. I wondered why the first week but the second I was thankful for the break my body couldn't take it I knew that. maybe he did to after all id only just come out of the packs hospital. id asked alpha where I came from it took months for me to build the courage to ask but I figure if he hated me as much as he claimed then maybe he would be glad to send me packing. I expected him to be angered just for the simple fact I spoke without permission but somewhere deep down I knew I had to try and find out.

I didn't however expect for him to nearly end my life causing me to be in a coma for two weeks and near deaths door for another week until I was able to come back to the orphanage. crazy as it sounds it only made me more curious causing swarms of questioned to battle in my mind. but the one question that stood out the most.

why was he so against me finding out where I came from?