Clemency. ✓

44

Shawn Carter,

I had about a two hour lunch break so I decided to meet with Lauren at her LA Apartment. I've never been to her spot, but she's from LA so I expected her to have something overlooking the city. It was just a beautiful as Beyoncé's.

I knocked on the door.

When she opened it, she gave me a small smile.

"Wassup?" I asked.

"Nothing much." She said. "Come on in."

I locked the door and looked around the place.

"This shit here dope as hell. You and Bey got these nice ass cribs. Make a nigga wanna work harder." I said looking out the large glass windows. "Damn."

She laughed.

"Yeah, my Dad's helping me pay for mine. So I can't complain about a thing."

"I wouldn't." I said. "This all I need right here."

I sat down at her little table. She went back to tending to something on the stove.

"It's nice, I guess." She said.

I sighed, "Yeah, so wassup? I know we been trying to have this conversation for a while. I just wanna know wassup?"

"I figured your sister would have told you by now."

"She did actually." Her eyebrows raised. "I hope that makes you feel a little bit better. She told me. I just wanna hear it from you and simply ask why you never told me, especially if I ain't have no kids at the time."

"That's the reason. Because you didn't have any kids at the moment in time. I was...scared. Like you were just so stuck on having sex with random bitches and having hoes that I just didn't feel like you would ever man up and want to take care of a child."

"How you know if you never asked me?"

"That's a question I ask myself every day." She said. "I should've at least told you. An apology will simply not even make up for my actions, but I truly am sorry."

I nodded my head.

"It's fine." I told her. "I'm not condoning abortions and I definitely would've stepped up to the plate and took care of our child, but....life happens. Decisions happen. We all do things because we're scared of what others my say or think. I'm sorry for not acting like you could come to me about it."

"It's fine." She said. "I just really regret it. Literally every day. Every time I look at you with Shai or hear you talk about how much your mother raised you to take care of your kids, I-....I just get that guilt feeling."

"Did you make the decision yourself or you talked to somebody?"

"I knew Nicki and Beyoncé at the time. I told them I was pregnant, but I didn't tell them who the father was. They were in support of whatever I wanted cause at the time I was still in high school. Being a mother was the last thing on my mind."

"What about your parents?"

"I told my Mom. She was upset but again, in support of whatever decision I was going to make. At the time, I think I was thinking more about what I felt was going to be better for me. Like I said, I regret it now . I just hope you can forgive me."

"I forgive you." I told her. "I don't want the vibe to be feel off between the two of us when we're out. Let's just go back to the way it used to be."

"Okay." She nodded. "I appreciate you stopping by on your break."

"Yeah, no problem." I stood up. "I could've been coming over here to see little SJ on my lunch break right now."