the secret » david dobrik au

F O R T Y - S E V E N

i still love you, i promise
nothing happened in the way i wanted
every corner of this house is haunted

i miss you, i'm sorry - gracie abrams

I was startled out of my sleep at three in the morning. It was the first time I had been alone in the apartment since David and I broke up, and the Friday before finals week began. The ringing of my phone forced me to crack open my eyes. It was Lydia. I answered, dazed and confused, "Hello?"

There was a sniffle at the other end, then I heard a long, whiney, "Evan."

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Evan," she spoke again, like she was fighting with herself to spit out what she really wanted to say. "Simon..."

"What? What happened to Simon, Lydia? Take a deep breath," I was already panicking, putting the phone on speaker so I could jump out of bed and start getting ready to leave.

"He found my sleeping pills, and he took a lot of them. He tried to kill himself. He tried to kill himself, oh my god. I'm such a shitty caregiver. He tried to kill himself."

My heart stopped in my chest. I had to remind myself to breathe. I had to remind myself not to freak out, at least not while on the phone with her. "You're a good caregiver, Lydia. You knew. You knew something was wrong. Is he okay? Where are you right now?"

"I'm at Saint Mary's. He's getting his stomach pumped," she told me, the words almost staccato from how much she had to struggle to push out each one. "I'm coming to get you, but I have to wait until David's here. He's gonna hate me. I almost killed Simon."

"Listen to me, okay? None of this is your fault. Don't let anyone tell you differently, especially not our shitty father," I was furiously wiping away the tears falling down my cheeks so I could try and think straight. "You stay with Simon, okay? I'm gonna call someone to take me home. You just stay there. He needs you."

"Okay... okay," it seemed like she was convincing herself that was true. "I love you. Call me when you get here."

"I love you, too, Lydia. I'll see you in an hour."

As soon as I hung up the phone, I let out a loud sob. My little brother, barely old enough to have a phone, tried to kill himself. I crumbled to the floor, unable to keep my body upright. There I sat, alone and uncontrollably crying, for what felt like forever.

It felt like my whole life was crumbling around me, and the worst part of it all is that I knew exactly who I had to call.

It rang twice before it got declined. I called again. It rang once, then got declined. I called again. It got declined immediately. I called again. Finally, an answer.

"Jesus Christ, Evan, it's like four in the fucking morning. I'm not interested in your drunk calling bullshit tonight," David's harsh voice shocked me, and it only made my crying worse.

"David," I whimpered out, finding it just as hard to say it as Lydia did. "I need your help. I'm sorry for calling you so late. I need your help."

"Hey, hey, hey," I could now hear the concern in his voice. I could practically see him sitting up in the bed, hair messy, face twisted in confusion. "I need you to breathe. What happened? Are you okay? You haven't done anything to yourself, have you?"

"No, no, not me. Not me. Simon. Simon tried to kill himself," I finally spit out, feeling the weight of the words on my chest. "Simon tried to kill himself. He took a lot of pills. I don't know. I don't know what happened, but no one's here, and I need to get to the hospital."