the secret » david dobrik au

T H I R T Y - F O U R

Finals came and went, and I surprisingly passed all of my classes. My first finals week was more stressful than expected. I was almost late to one of my classes—of course, it was the class with the crazy professor that didn't let you in the door if you were even ten seconds late. I luckily got there on time, but I felt deeply gross after sprinting and sweating to make it.

Going home for three or so weeks was sad. I didn't have a car, and the girls' hometown was around two hours away from mine, so it was unlikely I'd see them the entire time. They kept me sane, and I was pretty sure I had the same effect on them, so I hoped we'd facetime often.

Being at home for a period of time longer than a weekend made me realize how much I had adapted to college. When I first moved, I was terrified that I wasn't going to fit in, I wasn't going to make any friends, and I was going to want to move home after I finished my first semester. It was so much different than that. I saw someone I knew in every single place I went. I always had someone to sit with in the dining hall or the library. I was one of those girls that random people that I had met one time at a party stopped and talked to. It was weird. I realized, laying in my bed at home, listening to the sounds of Minecraft coming from Simon's bedroom, that I was thriving.

I couldn't say the same for Lydia. I thought it would be easier for her and Simon without me (one less mouth to feed, one less person to drive around), but she wasn't as ready as I was to take on the mom role apparently. I had been doing it since Dad left, but she was still getting used to it.

Simon confided in me one night, when Lydia was out at a work dinner, that he was so thankful that I was home.

"Why?" I laughed. "Lydia doesn't play Minecraft?"

"Lydia makes me Kraft mac and cheese, like, every night for dinner. I don't have good food unless we go to dinner or you're home."

I wouldn't necessarily consider the frozen chicken tenders and tater tots that I fried "good food", but he was a child. I sighed, "Lydia is twenty four. She should be out living her life and partying every weekend. Instead, she takes care of us."

"She chose to. We could've lived with Dad."

"Simon..." I was trying to decide if he was old enough to tell it to him straight. He was. He had been through enough. He could understand. "Dad does not give a shit about either of us. He never has, and he never will. He barely even cried at his own daughter's funeral. He does not want you to live in his house. Lydia is helping us out so much. I promise when I graduate and get a job that you will live with me, and I'll make you the best meals, and we'll be happy, but for now, you have to be thankful for Lydia. We couldn't go on without her. Eat your chicken."

I spent some of my time at home teaching Lydia meals other than mac and cheese and spaghetti. She seemed equally as worried about Simon as Simon was about her.

"Your brother's making me nervous, Evan," she sighed as she stirred the homemade potato soup we were making. Simon was in the basement practicing playing his guitar.

"Why?" I laughed as I handed her the shredded cheese to add.

"He's just gotten really quiet since you left. I've told him he can talk to me, but he really doesn't. I mean, he talks about school and stuff, but not about big things. I'm worried he's really hurting, and I don't know what to do."

It made me smile that she was worried about him, but I knew Simon. He had just as many problems as me, which didn't exactly bode well for him, but he had a ton of friends in school and was still dating the girl named Amanda. He was fine.

"I get why you'd think that, but... I don't know. He seems fine to me. He's almost a teenager, and boys are really closed off with their emotions," I was trying to ease her mind the best way possible. "Lydia... we love you. So much. And I don't know if Simon says it enough, I don't even think I do, but we would both be so fucking screwed without you."

"You would be fine without me," she placed her hand on my cheek in a way that reminded me of David, soft and full of love. "You are a better mother figure than I'll ever be. You cook and clean and take care of everyone around you. You would be fine without me."

"I'd be working the first job I could find out of high school if we didn't have you," I could feel tears coming. "We'd be struggling so bad without you, Lyd. Because Dad doesn't want us, and he would never take care of us like you do. And I know now what it's like to go out with your friends and get drunk and have fun, and I'm sorry that we took that away from you. You're young, and you deserve to have fun."

"Ev, I don't know where this is coming from, but you didn't take anything from me," she wiped the lone tear that had fallen. "I know it may seem that way, but I had my college time. I did what I needed to do. I want you to have the same chance that I did, and Simon after that. I miss my sister and my niece every day that I breathe, but all I have to do is remind myself that I'm making a difference, and I'm fine. I'm not worried about going out and getting drunk, okay? Are you? Because you're underage, so I know you're not drinking."

"I'm not," I lied, my smile giving me away. "Not a lot, anyways. My boyfriend is, like, the president of a frat or something."

"He told me he doesn't drink. Everyone is lying to me these days!"

"He doesn't. No one is lying to you. You add the rest of that cheese on top of the bowls, okay? I'm gonna go get Simon."

Despite both of their worries, I was at ease for once. Everything was going to be okay. I knew it.

Update on my last authors note: he hurt me AGAIN believe it or not because HES A BAD PERSON and he DOESNT FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME OR WANT ME but i will NEVER really think that and i will DEFINITELY go back to him and i have mental issues love it love it hehe

xoxo abby