the secret » david dobrik au

F O R T Y

"Natalie Mariduena! Get your ass in here!" Corinna called all hands on deck when I walked in the door with slumped shoulders and tears streaming down my face. "What happened, doll?"

I broke into hysterics—the really ugly kind, the splotchy red face kind, the I can't breathe kind, the crying so hard you're silent kind. The three of us sat by the door, their hands on my shoulders and holding mine and everywhere, it felt like. Too much. Everything felt like way too much.

I just started talking. I told them about my mom and Maddie and how miserable I was. I told them that it should've been me; she would've had a life if it wasn't for me. I told them about how I tried to kill myself, about how David found me, about how he vowed to stay by my side so I wouldn't hurt myself. I told them about my dad leaving and my issues with trust and men, and I told them that David finally couldn't handle it anymore and he broke up with me.

"But you broke up with him?" Natalie was confused. Both of them were confused. I could tell by the looks on their faces. I wasn't sure if they could hear my whole story, or if I was even making sense.

"I always do that," I whined. "I always get mad and he fixes it. He always fixes it. He doesn't want to fix it anymore. He doesn't want to be with me. He's supposed to fix it."

They shared a look like they had no clue what to do. I'm sure they didn't, with all the bombs I just dropped on them. They were both crying along with me, so they were either really empathetic, or they understood most of my rambling story. Corinna patted my head and said, "Let's order food, yeah? Cheese dip? And a steak quesadilla with no onions. I'll pay."

"And margaritas."

"Yeah, baby, we'll get you a fat ass margarita," Natalie laughed, and we all transferred to the couch. Corinna went to go order, and Natalie took over with the comforting. "You never told us all that about your mom."

"I know. I didn't want you guys to think I was a freak. I barely even told David, but after he caught me..."

I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"You're not gonna do that again, are you?" she wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders and dragged my body downwards so I was cradled in her chest. Very motherly. Very sweet. "We'd be devastated if you did that, Evan."

"I'm not," I shook my head. "I'm not. I... I'm sad right now, but I really love my life here. I wouldn't do that again."

"Good. We love you more than anything," she kissed the top of my head. "Don't know what we would've done without you here. You're everybody's favorite."

"Not David's," my lip started wobbling, and I could feel Natalie shaking her head.

"David's a dick and a dumbass. That's all I can say. I don't know what's going on with him, but he doesn't define your worth," she started petting the top of my head. "No one defines your worth except you. And you are beautiful and talented and so hardworking and so dedicated and so loving. You don't need an ugly, dumb man to tell you that, do you?"

"Maybe."

"No," Corinna shook her head, flopping onto the couch on the other side of me. "No, you don't. You are probably the most put together person we've ever met, and you have every reason not to be. I am literally amazed by you, Ev. I'm amazed that you are so calm and strong all the time. You'll get through this. Losing a boyfriend is nothing compared to everything else you've done in life."

She was right, but if she was right, why'd it feel like there was an elephant sitting on my chest, suffocating me?

"Did you get margaritas?" I changed the subject, keeping my thoughts to myself. It didn't feel right with David gone, but I knew I'd have to deal with it.

"I did, my love," she patted me on the thigh. "You should go take a shower. La Parilla always takes a bit."

"Okay."

I took two Advils for my pounding headache, then took her advice. I took a short but burning hot shower, emerging with red skin and makeup all down my face. I cleaned that off after the shower, then put my biggest, not-David's sweatshirt on and some fleece pants that made me feel like I was wearing a blanket. I did a very shitty version of my skin care routine, then Natalie knocked on the door to tell me it was here.

"Your queso," she put an entire to-go cup of queso in front of me. Her and Corinna were sharing another one. "And your quesadilla. And your margarita. I didn't have any extra tequila to add, so I added some Svedka."

The margarita tasted like nail polish. It was just what I needed.

"Thank you guys for taking care of me tonight," I finally spoke once I was a little tipsy. "I promise after tomorrow, I won't mention it again. And I promise I'm not going to kill you in your sleep or anything."

"It'd honestly be a blessing to me if you killed me in my sleep," Natalie laughed, the margaritas taking the desired effect in her too. "But we want you to talk about it. You shouldn't coop up all your emotions. We love you, and we're here for you. If you want to shit talk David all day and all night, we will listen."

"I don't, though," I swirled the quesadilla around in the queso. "He was right. I don't know how to be in a relationship, and I'm constantly making everything difficult. I'm crazy. He shouldn't have to deal with that."

"He knew that going into the relationship. That you need reassurance, not that you're crazy. I act the same way, and nothing has happened to me with my dad or my family or anything like that," Corinna scoffed. "It's not you. It's him not being fully invested."

"It doesn't matter, though," Natalie shook her head. I think she realized that I didn't believe the bullshit that it was David's fault, not mine. "You don't need him. Being single freshman year is so much more fun anyways. Right, Corinna?"

"True. I regret wasting mine worrying about Todd and what he was doing. Natalie had so much more fun."

"And if you really want a boyfriend, then all of the Delt guys are already in love with you. It won't be that hard to find a man. We can go to other frats, too, now. I know we're Delt girls 'til we die, but Pike has some really cute boys too."

"They're going to revoke my sweetheart-ness at Delt. How am I supposed to cook and help them with their homework and stuff if I'm avoiding David? I always do that for them. I like doing that for them," I laid my head on the table, the same piece of quesadilla still swirling around in the cheese.

"We will distract him, babe. You don't have to avoid him forever. The more you avoid him, the more that it looks like you care," Corinna told me. "In a breakup, you never want to look like you care. Just be cool and keep doing what you're doing. Everything will calm down and smooth out eventually."

I didn't know if I wanted it to calm down, because once it calmed down, it was over. It would be over, and I would never have a chance to restart with David. He would move on, probably with someone beautiful like Madison, and I would be heartbroken forever.

It was my biggest fear at that point. That I would be heartbroken forever. That I'd feel the weight of his absence on my chest for the rest of my life. That I wouldn't be able to hear the name David without my heart tightening in my chest. That I would be alone for the rest of my life.

"I'll be better tomorrow," I lied to them, alcohol making my cheeks hot and my ears buzz. "I promise."

Hello world i saw all my friends today (it was my friends bday and we did a little driveby thing and it was so cute hehe)

I hope yall all had a good day!!! Also i really appreciate the love on my last authors note yall made me feel much better i seriously love you all sm

Xoxo abby