the secret » david dobrik au

F O R T Y - F O U R

D A V I D

I had never been a lonely guy... if you want to put it that way. Since middle school, I'd pretty much always had girlfriend after girlfriend. Girls thought I was funny, and back in those days, having a girlfriend pretty much meant the next girlfriend was right around the corner. Girls were always gossiping. If one girl heard I bought my girlfriend of that month a stuffed animal, she'd be ready to be mine the next month. Simple stuff.

College was a little different. There were always girls. I was in a frat; of course there were always girls. I just didn't find myself interested in them. College dating felt like the big leagues. I didn't want to waste time dating someone I didn't really care about.

That's why it was so weird when I met Evan. I didn't dislike her or anything; I always thought she was pretty and fun to be around. I just didn't think I wanted to date her.

Finding her about to kill herself didn't change my mind about her. If anything, it made me want to be her friend more. Not because I pitied her, but because knowing the truth about her only made me realize how strong she was. It made her soft personality more enjoyable, knowing she could've been much different but she chose to be sweet.

Hearing about her driving around underage to buy groceries for her siblings and watching Bobby Flay to learn how to cook just made her more endearing. The more I was with her, the more I liked her.

I had an "oh, shit" moment when I first realized I was in love with her, but I never told her. It was a few weeks before her birthday, the day after she found out her dad was getting married on her birthday. To be fair, I should've known when I saw red watching the video of Jeff and Evan kissing, but that wasn't it.

It was the next morning. The morning after she kicked me and pushed me and verbally abused me. She was confused at what happened and I should've been pissed at her for being such an annoying bitch, but when she patted the spot next to her in her bed and said gimme a recap in her cute little high pitched voice, I knew.

I was supposed to be mad, but I could barely contain my smile. She was so innocent to me, like a little lamb, but I knew she had the lion in her too. She was everything in one, and I was obsessed. I could barely look at her for the next few weeks. When I did, all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her and wonder if she could possibly feel the same.

She was my best friend, and that's why everything hurt so fucking bad. She was my favorite person to be around, but I couldn't be around her. It hurt to watch her frolick around with Jeff and Ilya for weed, or because she liked them now, or whatever her reason was. It stung hearing her laugh outside the house and knowing it was Jeff making her laugh.

Because I loved her, and I wanted to be with her, but it wasn't going to work. She would never be fully comfortable in a relationship, and I'd always be expecting too much from her. It was hard, but it was true. We'd never work out.

The sooner I accepted it, the better off we'd be.

E V A N G E L I N E

"Um..." I stared down at my phone, the name Nicolette Harrison flashing across the screen. "Guys?"

"Who's calling?" Corinna asked as she flipped her pancake. I had taught her well; she was actually a pretty good cook when she was motivated enough to cook for herself.

"David's mom is calling me."

"What?" Todd furrowed his eyebrows. "Answer it. I'm curious."

I took a deep breath and clicked the green button. "Hello?"

"Hi, honey," her voice was calm and soothing. "You doing good?"

"Um... I'm alright," I sighed. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, we're all good over here. Alyssa had a doctor's appointment today, and the baby's looking really good and healthy. We're so excited. How's your family?"

"I think they're all doing okay," I was still confused as to why she was calling. I asked, "Um... David and I broke up. A while ago."

"I know, doll. I still want to check on you. You know I love you," she explained, and my eyes immediately welled up with tears. "I know that maybe you don't want to talk about it with your ex boyfriend's mom, but if you did... you're more than welcome to."

"I—" I could barely speak. My throat felt like it was swelling up. I stood up and went to my room, knowing the conversation was about to be a nightmare. "I don't know. There's not much to talk about. He, uh... he doesn't want to deal with the crazy anymore. I can't be mad at him for that."

"Oh, honey..." she sighed. "You're not crazy. I've met crazy. I've raised crazy. You're not crazy; you're just human."

"I just feel like I'm such a burden to him and to everyone," the words were getting caught in my throat because they were too real. It felt weird confessing this to David's mom, but it all just came out like I had been waiting to say it for the past month. "Everyone would just be better off if they didn't have to deal with my mess. Especially David. David's so much better off without me. He doesn't need me weighing him down and constantly doubting him."

"Evangeline, your friends love you so much. I can tell by the stories you've told me that you mean a lot to them. Dealing with your mess, as you call it, is not a bad thing. Everyone's lives are messy," she began her motherly lecture. I usually hated when people lectured me, especially on this subject matter, but her motherly tone was actually helping. "You are not a burden to anyone. I know that. Everyone in your life loves you more than anything. You are not a burden."

"Tell that to your son," I halfheartedly laughed.

"David, of all people, does not think you're a burden. He's confused. I think he's just confused. I don't know. I thought they were supposed to get better once they left their teens, but David's just gotten more confusing."

"I wish I could believe that," I wiped my tears with my empty hand. "I know him. He's been dealing with my shit for too long, and now he's done. It's not like I can blame him for it."

"Evan, no offense, but I think I might know him a little better than you," I heard shuffling and a crash in the background, and she said, "Oh, shit. I just broke my wine glass. I'll call you soon, honey. Don't lose hope, okay? I love you. I care about you. Don't give up. You're a whole lot stronger than you think you are."

"I love you too," it came out as barely a whisper, and I began crying the second the phone call ended. Hearing that I wasn't a burden, although I didn't really believe it, made my heart soar. Hearing a mother, though not mine, tell me she loved me just made it even more emotional.

"Hey, Ev, are you okay?" Natalie knocked on the door before it swung open, and she raised her eyebrows at what she was. "Oh, lord. Alcohol?"

"Yes, please. A lot."

Giving ev my unhealthy coping mechanisms cuz shes my daughter and shed be the one to do it <3

Love that vote and comment

Xoxo abby