This Bad Boy I'm With

[41]: No More Of The Way It Was

[41]: No More Of The Way It Was

Seth's P.O.V.

WHEN I GOT HOME AT sunday night, Thea was already gone.

There were already lights on the Hartens' house so I figured out that her parents were already home.

I climbed up the rooftop and I breathed in the crisp October air as I tried to clear my head which was frustratingly impossible. Everything I could think of was her: how I miss her bright smiles, her laugh, her childish personality, her stubborn attitude, her fragrant hair, her tiny, soft hands, her small and delicate frame against mine and her lips.

I stare at my bandaged knuckles. No matter how hard my punches might be, the pain was still there inside, not a little bit lessened and the more it was hurting everyday, especially on the times where I'd see or hear anything about her condition right now.

My life was really fucked up.

Days and weeks passed by excruciatingly slow. Last, last Friday, Thea had done the play impressively with her partner who was the exchange for me. I kept myself hidden so that she couldn't see me watching. I could see her dazzling smile again, hear her heartwarming voice but the usual glimmer in her eyes had dulled and I understood that she was just putting up an act for the sake of the musical play.

But when it was just ordinary days, you could see that there was really something that was destroying her inside. She went to all her classes but me on the other hand only went sometimes to the classes that we didn't share.

I was doing a good job on avoiding her but sometimes, I could see her. Sometimes she's seen walking alone in the hallways, her face showed no emotion but her eyes were enough to know that she already fucked up too much. Sometimes, I could catch a glimpse of her in the library, reading a book or writing down something, probably assignments or reports or essays.

And sometimes I could see her in a classroom, doing nothing, just staring out the window.

Grace and Thea were now in a good state since Grace really asked for forgiveness. She told me that she explained to Thea that I was on the line because I wanted to know her condition. Thea accepted her apology but seemed to hate me even more because she wondered why on earth would I still care and must've got really frustrated since she started saying things about me, saying that I was a bi-polar prick, a heartless jerk, a freaking coward and a lot more and I understood since I knew I deserved it.

But back to Grace and Thea, they weren't together most of the time. Like I said, she was mostly seen alone in school. She always said to Grace that she just needed space, that's all.

Everyday I couldn't help but watch her from the distance. From the time she gets off the bus in the morning and gets on the bus by afternoon.

I don't actually know how much exactly was the effect of what I've done to Thea, but seeing her everyday looking broken, I knew it was more that big. She goes to school with messy hair, no make up even just a slight touch of it and she might be properly dressed in complete uniform but sometimes, I could notice a button unfastened, showing a little of her skin inside and sometimes her bra if the unfastened button was in a higher place.

I wanted to tell her that or fix that for her but all of me knows that I can't and I shouldn't. I keep on thinking that I'm such a bad person because I just left her suddenly. Sometimes, I almost forgot that my fault started from the very beginning-- I let myself be too close to her.

Damn, I even showed her a part of my true self.

Sometimes I badly want to collect her in my arms and kiss her skin repeatedly, telling her it's okay and that everything will be fine. That I could protect her from anything that might happen that might try to hurt her. And it would reach to the point that I couldn't go to sleep and I want to hurt myself for doing this to her. For being such a big coward.