Review by Sunshine: Rock the Miles Away

64 9 55
                                    

Title: Rock the Miles Away

Author: MonicaPrelooker

Reviewer: ray_of_sunshine9

This year seems to be the year of returning customers! I know I always say it, but I absolutely love it when people come back to me for a review. It means that I didn't scare them, and it also gives me the opportunity to see them from. In this case, it's a bit different – it's less about seeing MonicaPrelooker grow as a writer, but see how her characters and storylines have grown over time. She's one of my favourite authors on this platform, and I highly recommend her stories to everyone!

This review is also very special for me because:

- MonicaPrelooker first asked me for a review back when we were at our first review store.

- She asked me to review a second story for her, which was published in Sapphire's Review Store 2.0.

- And now, she's asked for one more review, which is now being published in Sapphire's Review Store 3.0.

Thank you so much for being a brilliant storyteller, and thank you so much for asking me for another review! Since I've already reviewed the first 75 chapters, I'll be focusing more heavily on chapters 76 – 165. 


Summary: 5/5

Same as last time, I'm not going to judge this summary because it's not a traditional summary with characters, conflicts, and stakes. But it's still as captivating ever, and whoa – is that a quotation by me I see there? Amazing. I've changed my mind. I'm scoring this section. Full marks. 


Grammar: 4/5

Your grammar, as always, is clean and polished for the most part. In fact, whenever I did find errors, I found that they weren't really grammatically incorrect, but just awkwardly phrased. Let's go through some examples, shall we?

The Cultural Centre had some interesting expositions they meant to check on together, a couple of bands were getting ready to play at different corners of the park.

I had to read that above example a few times to work out why it was bugging me, and then it hit me. It's a comma splice. Both clauses are independent clauses, and should be separated into individual sentences.

Another thing I noted was question marks. I can understand authors not using question marks at the end of questions to show a flat or dry tone of voice, but there were some examples from the book that didn't quite sit well with me because they were lacking a question mark. Some of these include:

Because how could she ever process not only the way Jim had been to her, but also his words.

Why would he be using the microphone if he was playing alone.

They just sounded a bit awkward and clunky without the question mark, because they didn't seem too insistently sarcastic or flat.

There were not twenty anymore, not even thirty.

I think you were talking about age here. Consider:

They were not twenty anymore, not even thirty.

Another:

Jim was glad to see Silvia shook her head when he tried to help her in the kitchen.

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