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Review by Addie: A Normal Morning

Title: A Normal Morning

Author: JouskaXu

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Character Building: 3.7/5

      Your characters were very interesting, and I loved how you told the story in first person. It gave the reader the emotions of the character who was being affected the most. You also included enough information about her that the reader could picture what she was like. Everything that happened was well put together from her point of view, which was amazing. Well done!

      With that being said, I do think there are parts with room for more detail. When it came to some parts, there could have been more powerful imagery of the characters. What do they look like? Especially with the person who texted Sophie. She plays a major role in the book since that's the center of the conflict. Try to give out some more information about her in hints. Create more questions by adding more in between the lines.

      One other point is about Sophie's mom. I would suggest including more about how little her mom knows about what happened. One of the only sentences that you included about this concept was 'As far as mom knew, I'd barely known this girl.' I think it would be great if you could talk more about that. You mention that she texted all her friends, but why didn't her mom know more about that? Maybe you could use more of her overall life, and not just this particular incident.

      But otherwise, I thought your characters were pretty solid. They're well-planned in the story, and there are only a few things that could have made it better. You've done a great job so far, though!

Grammar: 4.2/5

      I didn't find many grammatical errors, other than for the spelling and occasional punctuation. Minimal errors, so not much needs to be fixed. Your story was edited and revised perfectly, which is amazing. Keep up the awesome work with that! I'll be starting off with the very minor spelling mistakes that I found in your book. Here is an example:

It is omnious in its dullness, a messenger of ill tidings.

      For this example, the spelling mistake is in the word 'ominous.' It was spelled 'omnious' and that is incorrect. If you could use extensions such as Grammarly, that would help with the spelling and clarity most of all. I would suggest those when you do a final edit on your work. Another point that I wanted to focus on was the punctuation. This one was the most common out of the two. First things first. Keep in mind where commas are needed. An example of this is below:

Late at night my sleep paralyzed brain took ily as a typo for Lily.

      Here, there is a comma needed after the word 'night.' It's an introductory phrase, so that's why. For instance, another example is right here:

Ugh I bet she'll come back from the hospital with her bands still on for sympathy.

      There should be a comma after the first word. After editing, this is what it should look like:

After Editing: Ugh, I bet she'll come back from the hospital with her bands still on for sympathy. 

      Make sure to always include commas where they are required, especially after introductory phrases. That's what I noticed throughout the script. Like in these three examples:

Before Editing: By the time I get to mom I can only squeak.

Before Editing: Come here Soph.

Before Editing: Yeah she did it. 

      For the first example, there should be a comma after the word 'mom.' Secondly, a comma should've been placed before the last word in the sentence. Whenever the dialogue is spoken directly, there is generally a comma before their names. And lastly, there should be a comma after the word 'Yeah.' Two of these are introductory phrases, which connects back to what I said before.

      Overall, your grammar was pretty good. These errors didn't disrupt the flow of the story too much, so great job. Just make sure you go through and work on the missing commas, but it's been amazing so far!

Writing Style: 3.8/5

      Your writing style is very easy to follow, and not confusing at all. I love how you describe her time with texting and how it conveys the meaning of the story. You include information about her emotions when talking with people like Kennedy. I also enjoyed how you described her room. It was powerful imagery, and very beautiful to read through.

      However, I do think that the pace needs some work. At parts, your story felt somewhat rushed or slowed down. While they were both great on their own, it definitely disrupted the flow of your story. I encourage you to even it out some more. As I said, your descriptions were marvelous at times. But try not to make it loads of action and then suddenly switch to detail. Put in the descriptions when the pace is slow enough to not disrupt it too much.

      When you do this, it will also probably make some of the descriptions shorter. I remember you said you needed to cut out some parts of this, and I would recommend that you even it out. The flow of the story will be smoother, and not so fast all the time.

      One part that could have been more clear was the ending. Now I thought the ending that you chose was somewhat confusing. It matched the story but there was more you could have included, making it more interesting. One thing I noticed while reading your story was how much Sophie cared about the person who texted her. In my opinion, there should be more of her sorrow.

She's confused and mad at herself for not looking at the text closer, so there should probably be some more detail there. Talk about how she's truly feeling for longer. A good idea may be to include a cliffhanger as well. There's a lot about the person who texted her that the reader doesn't know about. Even if you just included her name, that would be fantastic. It just gives the reader something that ties your story altogether.

Your writing style could have been improved, but only by a bit. You've done a good job so far, and I loved how it was so easy to understand. With just a few corrections, it could go a long way for your story.

Plot + Originality: 4.6/5 

      As for the concept of your book, I will say it's a bit cliche. I've heard it before, but I loved how you did it in the form of a text. As for the plot, there could have been more hints in the first paragraph. Perhaps more detail about how little she thought about it. Pull the reader in with the hints, and that would make it more interesting.

But other than that, you've created a fantastic story!

OVERALL SCORE: 16.3/20 

      Overall, you've got an amazing book! I loved the minimal grammar errors, and it was very easy to follow. Just make sure to work on describing the characters and the pace of your story. Then, it'll be perfect. Your story was enjoyable to read through, and I loved it. I hope this review helps you in some way!