Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Jacob: Nescience

Title: Nescience

Author: ravenkilborn

Reviewer: Prince_Pretence

Cover: 2.5/5

The colours are pleasing, but I don't know what to make out of it. It's a thing that forever keeps me away from "dark" of any genre—the ambiguity. No, just because something is messed up more than it usually is, it doesn't mean that it has to be so vague and confusing. I really, really suggest a cover where we know what we are about to get ourselves into. It's even more critical because [and maybe I'm just stupid] not everyone knows the meaning of Nescience. With a cover of vague imagery, readers really wouldn't know what to expect and why should they bother with the book. Although, again, I love the steely blue colour palette! And I looked up the title's meaning—it's haunting. Appreciate that.

Blurb: 2.5/5

The philosophical tone is good, but it doesn't add much to readers' interest. The direct introduction to Tabitha Miller's condition is good, but again, confusing. In exchange of what? Blurb is not for confusing the potential readers and driving them away, so the language here should be kept simple to comprehend and feel. An example of what a short, informative blurb could be:

Tabitha would soon remain nothing more than a myth. Her life, her body, her soul [or something to the effect] were slipping out of her control for every moment she spent with the man who loved her. Can she free himself of his clutches before it is late? Despite knowing that it is already too late? [The whole he is hurting and has got her captive sort of thing].

This is just my attempt at the blurb. My point is, keep it sweet, short and straightforward. Since the story is based on Tabitha, giving away too much about it.

Grammar: 3/5

A critical rereading is required. The tense swaps from the start to the end of the first chapter, although, after that, it is consistent. A considerable amount of spelling mistakes and general grammatical errors that can be cleaned out by grammar freeware on the internet and a keen reading.

Writing Style: 3/5

Confused me a lot! Especially when an action is happening but no one is speaking. Actually, apart from the dialogue and dialogue tags, in a lot of instances, the constant use of metaphors and jumbled up scenery is distracting. This is again something about the "dark" genre that doesn't sit well with me—you are already writing something that isn't normal, then why twist it further? A good example is that scene where Aiden is taking Tabitha/Amelia for lunch. At one point, right before they actually entered the dining hall, I thought she was already fed. This also reminds me that the timeline isn't hinted at. I don't know how long it's been since Tabitha was knocked out to the moment where she is held in the bathtub. Then there is the whole knocking out thing itself. Readers are ordinary people, so we don't know what "the gas" means. Of course, you can argue that it's common sense. But remember that we're not Aiden. For all we know, he has probably got mustard gas in there, and he plans on to kill Tabitha right there and bam! The end of the story. A pro tip: when writing about things that aren't "normal" or shouldn't frequently happen, assume that your readers are a little lesser on the general knowledge bar than you. This also applies to the torture part where we know that Tabitha is in pain because she is screaming, crying, yelling and stuff. We are being TOLD that she is in pain. It is not shown. Now, I don't mean that you have to go entirely graphic to show her pains. Nope. Just like how you use metaphors to describe her suffering, use them to write his tortures. I hope that is making some kind of sense.