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Review by Kirsty: Romanian's Forbidden Love

Title: Romanian's Forbidden Love

Author: Darbs_98

Reviewer: CursedHobbit

Summary: 4/5

The summary is well-written and makes me interested to read what's inside. However, the summary says Amelia has five adopted older brothers, when the story suggests that there are four.

Grammar: 2/5

The grammar and spelling in the writing made things a bit confusing to understand. Eventually, I figured out what you were saying after I saw that some mistakes were consistent. Sometimes words were forgotten, punctuation was missing, and words were misspelled, which could cause readers to stumble while reading.

Character Building: 3/5

I wish I knew more about Amelia's four brothers. I could tell you tried to highlight slight differences in their characters, i.e. Alex and Teresa's secret relationship, but I kept getting confused on how to differentiate the group.

Teresa seemed like a good best friend, but what I didn't understand is why she changed her mind about Nikolay. In chapter 11, it was stated that "Amelia doesn't drink alcohol"; however, in chapter 15, Amelia is drinking and throwing back shots with Nikolay. What changed for Amelia? Why did she refrain from drinking before? Why did Nikolay invite Amelia over for drinks after their date if he knew she didn't drink?

I think the character names, specifically Nikolay {lover) and Nickolas (brother) got muddled a bit as well.

Amelia herself does not have a lot of depth just yet; her back story has not been revealed to the readers. She seems to love and revere her adopted brothers and father; however, her father's tombstone reads that he was a "father of four", leaving Amelia out. I also know next to nothing about "papa", or Verino Xander.

Writing Style: 3/5

The alternating first person (Amelia's perspective) and "Third POV" was off-putting and confusing to me. I understood that you were trying to give more background information about things going on that Amelia didn't know (i.e. Nikolay's perspective), but this could have been done simply through using another character's perspective, such as Teresa or Nikolay. If you want to use a third-person omniscient point of view, try using it throughout the whole book, instead of cutting your chapters in half.

I did appreciate the way you included the last paragraph from the previous chapter in the introduction of the new chapter. I think that will help your readers stay on track when waiting for a new chapter to be published.

Sometimes it was hard to tell who was talking when there was a lot of dialogue between the Xander brothers. For example: Chapter 17, paragraph 1. It's supposed to be Max talking (I think), but there was no character assigned to the dialogue.

Plot + Originality: 3/5

I would love to see the plot grow and become more clear to readers. I understand there is tension between the two mafias, and that Amelia is, unknowingly, in a constant state of danger; however, I wish there was more depth to flesh those points out.

There were some small plot holes I noticed while reading. For example: When Amelia had the first encounter with Nikolay's mob, Teresa told Amelia's brothers what had transpired out of fear. However, in the following chapters, Teresa was encouraging Amelia to see Nikolay, which didn't add up based on the previous assessment of her character. There was also a part in Chapter 12 when Amelia says "you know you can call or text me[,] right?" And there was never a clear follow up where they exchanged phone numbers.

There is a plot hole in Chapter 17 when Bradford presumably asks himself, "How the hell did she even meet him in the first place", when the brothers had found out about Amelia and Nikolay's first encounter from the club in Chapter 6. I also found it odd that Amelia asked Nikolay what his profession was twice during their date and he gave about the same answer for both. Chapter 11: "'Soooo. . . Tell [me] what you do for a living, Nikolay.'" .... "'I own many business[es] involving entertainment, medical [services], and security.'" Again, in Chapter 12: "'So[,] what do you do, Nikolay?'"..."'To answer your question. I own companies dealing with banking, medical [services], and entertainment.'"

In Chapter 14, Teresa promises to tell Amelia's brothers that she will be staying the night at Teresa's place to get away from her brothers due to anger. However, in Chapter 17, Max and the brothers assume that she is in her bedroom.

OVERALL SCORE: 15/25

Overall, I hope that you are able to continue with this book. With some editing and proofreading, as well as smoothing out the point of view transitions, this book could be a big hit. Once I arrived at the end of Chapter 23, I was disappointed to find there weren't any more to read. I think you left the story on a huge cliffhanger in many aspects: Nikki and Amelia's relationship status; the mysterious Unknown POV; the weirdness in the relationship between Teresa and Amelia; Chad, and what his role will be in Amelia's life; and of course, getting down to the nitty gritty of what's really going on. I felt like the story has not hit on the real "bad blood" between the Xanders and Pavel's mafia. I also have no clue how Amelia came to be with the Xanders. The story's summary gave much more information regarding Amelia's background than the story does. I think your story shows a lot of promise, and as you continue to grow as a writer, your story will flourish.