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Review by Gnome: Leyland Adventures

Title: Leyland Adventures

Author: EkingJames5

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 4/5

The summary has all elements there: characters, setting, stakes, and dilemma. There's not much to say, but there is a bit of a redundancy within the first two sentences:

After an experiment gone wrong, a teenage boy named Tysashi meets a beautiful teenage fairy named Aradressa.

After getting teleported to a new world, Leyland, the two set out to bring Tysashi back home to the world of Lenovo while learning about this new planet.

There are actually two redundancies here: "teenage" and "after". The "teenage" one is an easy fix, you can omit it in the part about Aradressa. If her age is really that important, than you can simply state she's of the same age:

After an experiment gone wrong, a teenage boy named Tysashi meets a beautiful fairy named Aradressa.

Also, remember that you can mention their ages in the prose as well, and it's not really necessary in the summary. Secondly, the repetition of the word "after" could have been done on purpose (if so, then it's better if you do it in a group of three. I'm pretty sure there's a scientific reason behind it, but groups of three always sound better than two or four). If it's not, however, I suggest rewriting to something along the lines of (this is a rough suggestion):

After an experiment gone wrong, a teenage boy named Tysashi meets a beautiful fairy named Aradressa in the world of Leyland. The two set out to bring Tyashi back home to Lenovo, all while learning about this new planet.

It takes a bit of rephrasing, but now you don't have any redundancies.

Other than that, I think you had a great summary. Well done, I'm excited to read!

Grammar: 3/5

In terms of grammar, you definitely knew your basics! There weren't too many mistakes, but here are some I caught.

Firstly, there were a few typos throughout the story. I recommend doing a quick clean-up to catch them all.

Secondly, anything like (?!) or multiple exclamation or question marks is technically incorrect. If you want to emphasise their speech and emotions, I recommend describing it in the verbal tag (that is basically anything like "he said", "she replied", "they stated") or maybe even formatting it in italics.

On the subject of verbal tags, you knew when to put a period or a comma, but I noticed you kept on doing this:

"Ugh....man I really don't wanna wake up today", Lennon said...

It should be:

"Ugh....man I really don't wanna wake up today," Lennon said...

There's still an error here! Ellipses (...) should only have three periods (or full stops) in it. No more, no less. So, in conclusion, it should be:

"Ugh...man I really don't wanna wake up today," Lennon said...

Another thing I noticed was a misuse of "too" and "to"—as well as "your" and "you're". Let's start with "too" and "to".

There are three words that sound the same here: two, to, and too. "Two" is the written version of the number "2". "To" is used most of the time. It has way too many definitions to list, but you use it in places like: "I'm going to the supermarket" or "from about a hundred to three hundred". These are just some examples, there are many more ways it can be used. Lastly, "too". "Too" can be used to in scenarios like: "that is too high to reach" or "it is too small for me"—or it can be used in a similar way to "also". "I like ice creams, too!" or "me too".