Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Lina: Swapped Mate

Title: Swapped Mate

Author: pandawithbraces

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 3/5

The summary has good information but the wording is clunky and you have vague information that just makes things confusing instead of enticing. Referencing things like "certain circumstances" or "some secrets" or "unknown creatures" makes the blurb confusing rather than adding mystery. Try to be clear and specific, but still leave the ending open. I'm sorry, as I don't know what actually happens in the future of the story, I can't give more specific examples for this part. 

Grammar: 2.5/5

The formatting was overall done well, but there were a lot of clunky sentences, missing words, and misused words. I would recommend using something like Grammarly or an editor to catch these errors. There was a particular misuse/lack of prepositions, so that might be something you look into more carefully! Some examples of this:

Ch. 1 - "Yep, mom. I'm all good. Yeah na?" I laughed nervously while replying my mom who asked me if I was having jet lag or any problem with adapting.

Should be -

"Yep, Mom. I'm all good. Yeah na?" I laughed nervously while replying to my mom, who asked me if I had jet lag or any problems adapting.

Ch. 1 - It was hard for me to board in a flight.

Should be -

It was hard for me to board the flight.

These are just minor examples, but they're in every chapter, usually almost every paragraph, which makes the read a bit challenging! Again, I highly recommend cleaning it up using a grammar website or an editor.

Character Building: 3/5

Corin is a really fun character! I love how funny and quirky she is. She's also smart and tough and kind of ruthless when it comes to holding grudges and disliking people, haha! She was engaging to read and I laughed out loud at some parts at her inner monologue. I think this is one of the strengths of your story! I liked that she kind of hates everyone and is kind of mean. Her and her friend have a fun banter between them. It feels like over the course of the story she'll learn to open up more maybe? That's my guess.

The other characters, though, are pretty cut and dry. Not just because we aren't in their POVs. Ernest, since we have his POV, needs to be just as dynamic and fully fleshed out as Corin. Right now, he feels like any other character. They should be different, but they should both pop on the page.

The other side characters, apart from Corin's friend, kind of blended together. A lot of the personalities seemed the same and there were just so many characters. I would recommend being really clear on the different personalities and really showing how these characters differ from each other in scenes. An example from Teen Wolf if you've watched: Stiles is super funny and smart and quippy. Lydia is also smart and a bit conniving, but she hides it and she's super into appearances. Allison is more reserved and kind and open minded. Or another popular and easy example, Harry Potter. Think of how those characters are so different from each other. Even if the dialogue didn't always have a tag, you could guess who was talking. Something to think about!

For Corin and Ernest in particular, think about how they start the story versus how will they end it. How will they change and grow? What will they learn? Think more about their character arcs and make sure you're setting them up to fulfill those arcs.