Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Bella: Peaceful Chaos

Title: Peaceful Chaos

Author: Jeena-

Reviewer: SilasNevrin

Title: 3/5

Oxymoron, short and sweet. What's not to like? It's a good title. However, with a title like that I'd expect some pretty damn good writing because it's never nice being intrigued by the name then being let down with the execution.

Cover— the cover has been changed since the request of this review and as such the cover portion of this review has been removed.

I will comment that I much prefer the new cover to the old cover, you don't want to see what I wrote about the other one...

 

Summary: 4/5

I won't say I love it: 1. Because I'm horrible and 2. Because it needs some tweaking.

I like the question at the beginning, it makes people think about the answer and will intrigue them to continue reading. I'm not a fan of spacing out your paragraphs with *** so just leave a space, no need to separate it like that.

I'm assuming it's Kiara speaking for the summary log and I like that we've gotten to know her from those few lines. The contradiction you've got between her preferring to be feared and hated but then doesn't feel that way when it comes to Asher, it's cute and shows a bit of a more vulnerable side. However, it would be better to word it "Except, when I catch those dark-grey eyes looking at me with such disgust...I sometimes wonder if things could've played out differently."

Descriptions + Imagery: 3/5

Okay, you've got some good stuff. You've got a talent for illuminating text on a screen and creating a picture. Your character voice is spot on, and well kept throughout the chapters.

However, maybe just tone it down ever so slightly. There's just so much stuff that I lose grip on what's really important in the scene and found myself skipping ahead. It made me feel like I was choking a little.

Good stuff, just a bit less of it.

Dialogue: 3/5

You don't have much of it in your chapters, regarding the fact there aren't many. Most of what's written is internal dialogue and descriptive writing which is fine but we'd like to see actual conversations happen between people. You don't need to have your mc go into a monologue whenever someone speaks.

Just check your grammar a little because you only end a line of speech with a , if you are using a speaking word like he said or she shouted etc whereas you used it for "Stay away," his tone was bland.

You use a full stop for descriptions about the speech or person while speaking.

Overall Plot: 3/5

It's not something I haven't seen before and will continue to see as the years progress. Fiction tropes are something we may never escape and some of us don't want to escape.

I like the idea as long as you follow through with it, and stick to these character arcs you've created. 

Characterisation: 3/5

You've made me hate and like Kiara from your writing. You know what that is? Good characterisation. She's the typical mean girl but underneath it seems like there's smarts to her to because she speaks eloquently and at times it is a little confusing because I feel like sometimes you might detach yourself when you are writing and this can lead to different tones in writing which will confuse the socks off your readers.

It's not very obvious, just a quick sweep of editing is due I think. 

Character Relationships: 

For this section I can't comment because the character hasn't displayed any form of relationship. This is understandable because there are only five chapters in your book as of and relationships do not form over night.

It's a little unusual we don't ever get to see a parent relationship or any sort of friends, I mean she can't seriously hate everyone she hangs out with right? I think it would be interesting to have her have a best friend whose maybe a bit of a loner and she'd obviously never intend to be seen with otherwise, like Amy and Maeve in Sex education.

I won't give you a grade for this section in light of this.

OVERALL SCORE: 19/30

I actually am interested in how Kiara will get on throughout the novel so keep it in your heart that I will be reading along hoping you'll take my advice. If you really have the passion for it, then give it everything you've got.