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Y/n's POV:
My bodyweight has always been one of my main priorities. It's either I'm underweight or overweight, never in between, and never a healthy weight.
I've struggled my entire life. The amount of therapy sessions and weight loss classes I've been to is ridiculous. My mom has used every last penny to pay for my treatment, spent countless nights in the hospital with me, and lost hours of sleep dedicating her time to me.
I try to hide it from her when I feel sick but she's got that mom's instinct and is always by my side.
I've learned what she picks up on so now I use that and hide it from her. Wearing bigger sweaters to hide the fact that I'm built like a skeleton from how much fat I've lost. When she asked about the new clothes I had told her it was just because I decided on changing my style, she seemed to believe me.
The truth is when I say I'm either overweight or underweight, I mean I'm 70 pounds or 120 pounds which I know 120 isn't bad but to me, it's too much so I run to the bathroom and throw it all up before my mom gets home from work.
Like right now, I went from 84 pounds to 131 pounds because my mom doesn't let me leave the table until I eat every piece of food she put on my plate, and after, she makes me weigh myself while hovering over my shoulder.
So I walked my way to the restroom, locking the door behind me, I sat down, leaning over the toilet as I shoved my pointer and middle fingers to the back of my throat.
Every last bit of food that I had eaten today, came hurling up my throat and into the toilet bowl. I did that three of four times before I was left dry heaving and dizzy. I could barely stand to my feet, but I couldn't let my mom find out so I clutched onto the counter and pulled up, leaning against it for stability.
I flushed the contents down the toilet and washed my mouth and hands before wobbling to my bedroom to nearly collapse but at the last minute, I managed to catch myself and crawl into the sheets.
It hadn't even been a minute and I was passed out, snoring with my comforter surrounding me. It felt like I was sleeping on clouds in a way, dreaming of sunshine but before I knew it, I was falling. Plummeting to my death from my once happy sleep.
I'm pretty sure it activated a seizure because I felt every muscle in my body shake and spasm, but I couldn't stop it. I felt like I was choking on my own tongue but I've never had a seizure so I don't know what to do.
It was as if God was watching down on me though because Zion walked through the door of my room, immediately running to me and turning me to my side. Every bit of saliva strangling me came running out of my mouth and I could breathe again.
He threw my blankets off of the bed along with my pillows while glancing at his watch every few seconds but then I couldn't see anything and I started shaking vigorously.
Zion lightly grabbed my hand, just enough to let him know he was there while he comforted me. "I'm right here y/n. Just listen to my voice baby."
It felt like hours before I finally stopped, and maybe a minute or two after, I could see again. There was so much drool beside me and I was drenched in sweat. Zion looked at me, gesturing to my throat. I guess like asking if I could talk. I shook my head yes.
He helped me sit up in the middle of the bed and sat behind me, letting me lay against him.
"Thank you, Z." I sighed out "That's never happened."
"I know why it happened though." He grabbed a hair tie from his wrist and pulled my hair back then let me lay back on him again. "Why?"
"Your weight... y/n. It because of all the weight you've thrown up. You can't keep doing this y/n, I'm scared." He loped his arms around me, kissing right behind my ear.
"I can't stop it, Zion. There's something seriously wrong with me."
"You threw all of your food up today, didn't you? That's why you had a seizure."
What if he thinks I'm pathetic? What if he leaves me for someone stable, someone prettier, someone healthier? It's his choice, I'll be heartbroken but I feel like I'm not giving all that I can give for him. I feel like I'm hurting him by dragging him along.
I don't want to tell him 'yes I threw it all up.' I have an illness that I don't know if I can get rid of or not. With as long as I've had it, it's in a way become a part of me. I wish it wasn't, but it is.
"Yeah. I threw it all up. I'm sorry Z." I started babbling nonsense as I turned and cried into his chest.
He hushed me, running his hand through my hair while his other hand rubbed at my back, trying his best to soothe me. I just sat huddled against him, sobbing as I shook.
We sat like that for twenty minutes or so then decided to lay down. Zion got me some water to help flush down the saliva and bad taste in my mouth. After I finished it all, we laid underneath my sheets, cuddled up watching The Umbrella Academy.
"Baby, I hope you know that I'll always be at your side, whenever you need me, okay?"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have."
"It's okay, I understand. What matters is that I know now so I can help you baby and I'll try my best to get you through this. I love you, get some sleep. I know you're exhausted." He tilted his head down, kissing my forehead before looking back up at the tv.
"I love you to Z." I kissed his jaw before curling up in the blanket and shutting my eyes.
