Against All Boundaries

Chapter Twenty-One

His words pierced me so deep it almost cause me my sanity.

What am I thinking anyway?

What am I expecting to happen?

Am I expecting to live as Zariyah? Just because I want Mommy to give me her affection?

Just because she f*cking can't give that to me I will settle doing this thing despite knowing I'll be stealing a life from the dead?

I didn't even think about the sin I'll be committing as I do this thing!

I just decided so swift I didn't even bother using my mind to weigh things first before doing my move.

I didn't even think about the consequences it'll give me.

I didn't think about the things I'll lose.

I didn't think about the sin, this whole lot of a thing that I'm doing means!

I didn't even think if it'll do me good. Or anyone.

I didn't even think if I can do this.

Nag-angat akong muli ng tingin kay Lazarus matapos kong pahirin ang mga luhang naglandas mula sa aking mga mata.

"I'll do it my way Larazus. I'm already falling. There no stopping that."

Mariin ang pagkakasabi ko noon.

I am trying to make him understand and agree to me as I am also trying to convince my self that I can do this the way I wanted it to be.

I can see that he has his righteous arguments, but he chose not to argue with me anymore.

He nodded once before responding.

"Good luck then." He was serious as he uttered those words.

For once, I felt good staring straight at him.

I didn't feel like he's preying my devils and darkest secrets.

I felt like he's hoping for me to fight them. My way. Cause I told him I will.

But actually, I can't.

"Mahamog dito. You should go back inside. Tita needs you."

I didn't argue with him.

Mabagal akong sumunod sa kanya papasok ng ospital.

Hindi naman siya lumapit sa akin.

He was keeping his distance as if he knew I would prefer it that way.

I appreciated that.

Natigil ako nang malapit kami sa kinaroroonan nila Mommy.

There were some noises I was hearing as we were nearing them but it has just been cleared in my ears now that we are about to turn for the right wing.

I stopped.

Lazarus noticed and I saw him stopped as well. He looked at me but I didn't lend him my attention.

Taimtim akong nakinig sa pinag-uusapan nila Mommy, at kinumpirma  kung tama ang naririnig ko.

"Don't you try to let this reach your Mom, or else . . ." Mommy's voice was low, but it radiates disdain and hatered.

"Ate, I told you, we can't hide this away from—"

"No, Nicolo! You know what will happen when it reached them!" Si Mommy na agad pinutol ang sinasabi ng Tito. She seems so worried about something that she almost sounded so frustrated again.