Against All Boundaries

Chapter Twenty-Four

The classes resumed after New Year.

Hindi bumuti ang pakiramdam ko.

Things didn't even get lighter or better for me.

Habang tumatagal ang pag-kukunwari kong ito ay mas lalo lamang yata akong kinakabahan at nalulugmok.

Up until now, Noah is still unknowledgeable about all these.

At hindi ko na alam kung dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat at ikatuwa iyon o hindi.

But what I surely know is that I am afraid of what's ahead of me.

Natatakot akong isang araw ay mabubuko ako at mas lalong lalala ang lahat.

I got aloof with Mom.

If she finds it weird, I don't anymore know.

Mom is just kind of complicated for me most of the times.

At hindi ko siya pwedeng sagut-sagutin gaya ng dati kong ginagawa.

I have grabbed Zariyah's card from her hand so I should learn how to play her part the best I could.

Ngunit kung iniisip ko dati na kung ano mang kayang gawin ni Zariyah ay kaya ko rin, tila unti-unti yatang ipinamumukha sa akin ng mundo ngayon na mali ako nang akalain kong kaya kong maging siya.

That I can never be her.

But I'm already at it.

Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa tatakasan ito kung nalulong na ako.

I was walking down the hallway dahil may ipapasang plates sa isang Prof kanina.

Hindi ako pamilyar sa mga kaklase ni Zariyah kaya hindi ko sila maayos na napakisahaman.

They've offered to accompany me or to just let me leave it on the others to pass with them, pero tinanggihan ko na lang.

Hindi ko kasi sila masyadong kilala at natatakot akong mawala pa ang plates.

Hindi ako masyadong sanay sa Architecture kaya medyo naguguluhan ako ngayon at pinaghirapan ko 'to lalo pa at hindi naman talaga ito ang passion ko.

I know this may sound absurd but I want to make my best out of it.

Nabibigla ako.

I have never considered thinking about these matters as I did my decision that night. Ni hindi ko naisip ang mga hirap na katumbas nito noon.

I don't even know if I can be as good in the archi class as I was on my course.

Nakagat ko ang labi nang mapagtanto ang mga mali ko.

Sobrang dami nila.

Napailing na nga lamang ako nang maisip na hindi tamang nagiging ilap ako sa mga kaibigan ni Zariyah.

I have to start knowing them.

Naisip ko na rin naman iyon matagal na.

I can access her social media accounts dahil nabuksan ko naman ang phone niya.

But I just don't really feel comfortable about reading the messages that's supposed to be hers.

Afterall, that's beyond what I have really intended to do.

Gumugulo ang ulo ko at hindi ko na alam kung ayos pa ba ang ngiti ko sa iilang mga bumabati.

Zariyah is known as a modest lady, but that didn't stop her from being friendly to everyone.

That's a quality that just even earned her much more admirers and friends for she can be nice with them without losing her self.

One thing that up until now, I still can't imitate.