sincerely, r

ninety two

"No you aren't allowed to apologize." Taehyung shook his head, his voice quiety. Rebecca had to force her sniffles to go silent as she listened. "This is all my fault. I should've been more aware and careful. I should've known how horrible that word is. It should've been engrained in my head to never say that word, ever."

"It's not your fault." Rebecca shook her head, gripping the bedsheets tightly, too scared to reach out for Taehyung's and. "If my past wasn't so, painful and if that word didn't make me so-"

"You couldn't control any of that." Taehyung interrupted her. "Becca, this isn't your fault. You're brain is wired to feel like that. Your parents ruined you and that isn't your fault. But look at you now." Taehyung held out his hands, Rebecca taking them quickly, relieved she had him to hold on to. "You so strong. You help people, and you love with your whole heart. You've never hurt me or the boys and I'm sure you've never hurt anyone else either."

"I-"

"You're nothing like your parents. Nothing. You're so much better. You're an absolute angel, okay? None of this is your fault." Taehyung squeezed her hands tightly. "I wish I could be as caring as you."

"But you are." Rebecca insisted, eyebrows pressed together. "You just slipped, it's okay. I've just, I've been really unstable lately."

"You...you have?" Taehyung froze, not able to wrap his mind around everything. "But ... but you never said anything."

"Because I was worried about you." Rebecca whispered, slowly lowering her head. "I couldn't have you concerned about me when you should be focussed on you."

"No." Taehyung breathed, their fingers slipping. "No Becca-"

Rebecca hugged him, crying into his shoulder, holding on as tight as she could, pressing her body as close as she could against him. "Please, just hold me. I'm so scared you'll leave me."

"I'm never leaving-"

"I just fear you're going to kill yourself." Rebecca shook in his arms, Taehyung trying to hard to keep her steady. "And I won't be able to save you and I'm just so scared."

"I would never do such a thing. Never. That is a promise, okay?" Taehyung rubbed her back, feeling, strong. He felt in control. He is in charge of the outcome of her worry. And this promise he's making? This was the answer to her worry.

"We're in this together, right?" Rebecca held out her pinky finger, looking up at Taehyung with teary eyes.

"As long as you never leave me." Taehyung too, held up his pinky finger, waiting for Rebecca to agree.

"Promise me this." She linked their pinkies together, waiting to close it with their thumbs. "You live for me, and I'll live for you, okay?"

Taehyung smiled, closing the promise with his thumb, Rebecca meeting him in the middle. "I promise."

- yo look what the chapter would've been. the one above took me five different drafts to decide on lol. -

"No." Rebecca started to shake. "No please. Please you can't leave me." She bent forward, hanging her head and gripping the bedsheets. "I love you too much you can't leave me." And once again, she started to sob, everything hurting her. Every word she spoke, every emotion she felt, it ate her from the inside out.