Black Ink [Harry Styles]

Chapter 41

Nessa

I am kneeling on the bathroom floor, leaning over the toilet throwing up, again. Letty is standing behind me, slowly and rhythmically rubbing my lower back and holding my hair. I stand up and flush the toilet, walking over to the basin to wash my face and clean my teeth. I can't shake this morning sickness, which is really all-day sickness.

"Are you okay baby girl?" Letty asks.

She is obviously referring to me throwing up but I am feeling stressed and answer more dramatically than is needed.

"Oh, I am just awesome! I'm single and pregnant with Harry Styles baby which I haven't told him about yet and I cannot keep anything down. So, I'm am definitely winning at life".

She stares back at me, and I see a small upturn of her lips before she bursts out laughing at my outburst. I can't help but join her.

"Fuck Nessa. Pregnancy makes you a drama queen" she says.

I roll my eyes before I reply "I am so sorry Letts. I am being a hormonal asshole. I am just really stressed about the ultrasound today"

"Don't worry about it Nessa, you know I am here for you, every step of the way" Letty replies.

I have reached the three-month mark so I have my first ultrasound today and I am nervous but also excited. I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago, and came back to London a few days later. Of course, my family were surprised but have been amazingly supportive ever since. 

I have spent the last two weeks struggling to get my head around being pregnant. It did cross my mind that I don't have to go through with the pregnancy, but I realised I want this baby and to be a mom. I am still in shock but I am starting to get excited.

I went to the doctor when I got back, who confirmed the pregnancy. She thinks I conceived when I had the flu, and was on antibiotics which is why my birth control didn't work. I feel like a complete idiot for not being more careful.

I keep on putting off telling Harry because even though I am still angry with him, I feel like I fucked up and this will change his life for ever. He is a little younger than me and so talented, he should be concentrating on his music and career and not be dragged down by a baby mama back home in London. Plus, I don't know what continent he is on, even if I did want to tell him. 

So, I used this three-month scan as an excuse, and promised myself, and Letty that I would tell him once I had the ultrasound image and knew the baby was healthy.

"So, Nessa today is a big day right? Your twelve-week ultrasound", Michelle the Ultrasound technician asks cheerily.

I am already lying on the table, my still mostly flat stomach out, with Letty hovering next to me excitedly. 

"yip" I answer nervously, trying to take some deep slow breaths.

"No reason to be nervous love" Michelle says kindly "Okay I'm just going to squirt some of this gel on your tummy, watch out it's a little cold. And then I'll just take this and I will move it around".

She slowly moves the wand of the ultrasound machine over my tummy and almost immediately we can see movement on the grainy screen and the sound of a heart beating.

My own heart starts to beat fast and I can feel my eyes tear up, that's my baby. I can't believe this is happening. I'm going to be a mom.

I look over to Letty who squeezes my hand and places a quick kiss on my temple.

A minute in, Michelle suddenly points excitedly to the image on the screen "And Nessa my love if you look here, you can see not just one little one, but two. Congrats sweetheart you are going to have twins".

I turn my head away from the screen fast and look at Michelle and then at Letty "What?"

"You are having twins Nessa" Michelle repeats kindly.

I stare dumbfounded at the screen.

We take a taxi back to the studio and I sit quietly, staring out of the window most of the way home. 

Letty pays for the taxi, and we get out, walking into the studio.

"How did it go" Jude asks enthusiastically.

"Uh actually really well I suppose. Um, I'm having twins" I answer still in shock.

Both Angus and Ravi, look up from the where they are working on clients.

"No fucking way! Congrats Nessa" Ravi shouts.

Angus gets up, takes off his gloves and walking up to me, he picks me up in a hug and spins me around laughing.

"Nessa, you may have got yourself knocked up by a Rockstar but fucking twins! That's amazing baby sister. I know my boys were the best thing that happened to me. Seems us Blacks are baby making machines" he says proudly. 

I smile and laugh, because even though my brother is an idiot and a part of me is terrified, I am also happy and excited.

The boys eventually go back to work but I don't have a client till this afternoon, so I sit with Letty, chatting and sipping at our herbal teas.

"You know what I am going to say Ness. You need to tell Harry now. No more hiding behind the ultrasound" she says kindly.

I breath in and nod my head agreeing "I know" and I pick up my phone and open a message before I second guess myself.

"I think I am going to message him and ask if I can come over and chat. Keep it simple. I'm not sure if he is even in London though" I say.

"Okay. Good idea. Just message him and see what he says" Letty offers, getting up and walking away to give me some privacy.

I open my phone and with shaking hands I type:

To Harry: Hi. Its Nessa. Any chance I can come over to chat?"

I am a mess and so nervous but before I can change my mind I press send.

A couple of minutes go by with me staring at my phone, knowing it could be ages before I hear back, or maybe he has moved on and wont reply at all. I am sitting and chewing my lip worriedly when my phone vibrates indicating I have a message.

I shakily press open and read it.

From Harry: Hey Nessa. It's really good to hear from you. Tomorrow at 11? "

Shit! Tomorrow is so soon but I know I need to do this.

To Harry: Okay, I'll meet you at your place 

I stand leaning heavily on the bathroom sink with one hand, and cleaning my teeth with the other. I stare at myself in the mirror and I look drained. I was up worried about telling Harry most of the night and have been throwing up since early this morning. I splash my face with cold water, trying my hardest to wake up. 

I walk slowly over to my closet and stare at it, hoping for some inspiration. I want to look hot today but the way I am feeling, I think that's going to be difficult. The weather is getting warmer now, and I am not really showing yet, maybe just a slight curve of my tummy. I decide on my ripped skinny jeans and a loose fitting, thin mustard yellow Jumper. I slip my glasses on and braid my hair loosely, before throwing some old trainers on. I look in the mirror and know this is as good as its going to get today, so I grab my bag, making sure the sonogram picture is in it and head out the door.

I get an Uber to Harry's and spend the journey looking at the sonogram picture of the babies, my babies. I can't believe I am going to be a mom. And now I have to tell Harry he is going to be a dad. And to twins, and I am petrified. I have my speech planned but I have no idea how he is going to react. 

We arrive and I thank the driver while opening my door and getting out. I stand up straight and tell myself to be brave and get on with it. I take one more breath and press the buzzer alerting him and his security that I am here.