How to Date an Asshole

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

AXEL JAMES SPOTTED PARTYING AT CROSSHAIR, NYC.

The headline says. We scroll through the whole article and gave special attention to the pictures.

There was one with Axel on the dance floor with a drink on his hand. Another with him holding a ping pong ball, concentrating on how to shoot it.  Then him high-fiving his friend that I remember from Corrigan's.

I  let out a huge sigh of relief when I see that the pictures didn't show my face or Hailey's. Our faces were either covered by the big red cup we're drinking from or the camera's facing our backs. Thank God, people were only interested in getting pictures of Axel that they hadn't bothered to get ours.

I  may not remember everything that happened last night just yet but I  know that it wasn't like me to get drunk and party like there's no tomorrow and most importantly, have bets with celebrities. I don't know what's gotten into me to act so irresponsibly.

We all sat there in silence for about a minute. "Crisis averted, I guess,"  I said to them but if I'm being honest, that was more meant for myself.

"Last  night was all my fault." I began. Hailey was about to say otherwise but  I stopped her. "I take full responsibility. I'm so sorry I got you into that, Hailey. I don't know what I'd do if the pictures actually included us. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. It would've been a scandal." 

"But it's not," Hailey said calmly. "As you said, crisis averted. No need to dwell on what would've happened especially when it's a turn for the worst. I'm glad I was there with you. If it was some other friend, they might purposely lose so you'd sleep with Axel."

I chuckled at her retort. "I'm so lucky I have you, Hales."

"Yes, you do," she said smugly.

"You have a keeper here, Josh," I say facing him.

"Oh, believe me, I know," he replied and we laughed together.

I tried to forget about what just happened and finish the breakfast Josh made.

* * *

Hailey insisted I shower before going back to my apartment. "My best friend wouldn't do the walk of shame" as she said. She let me borrow a black shirt and jeans so they'd still match my boots; my clothes now in a shopping bag.

I ordered pizza for lunch, it's the least that I could do for everything I put Hailey and Josh through.

"So, any more notable things about last night that I can't seem to remember?" I say to Hailey as I bite on a slice of pizza.

I'm sitting in front of them while they're next to each other on the dining table.

Hailey and Josh looked at each other. "Oh, come on! How many are there  exactly?" I said exasperated and worried at the same time.

"Yeah, um, it isn't that big of a deal..." she started. I look at her expectantly. "But I guess you'd like to know that you sang 'My Shot' while playing beer pong." 

"I, what?!" 

Hailey began laughing, "Yeah, you were pretty invested too. You rapped."

"My God," I say under my breath. I can feel the embarrassment wash over me. 

"I am not throwing away my shot. I am not throwing away my shot." Hailey chanted teasingly.

I buried my face in my hands. Great, now everyone knows I'm a nerd.

"Oh, come on, Lin-Manuel Miranda would've been proud of you had he heard," she said with a smirk then took a bite of her pizza.

I shook my head. "What about you Josh, any more embarrassing story to add?"

"Uh,  both of you were absolutely hammered when I got there." he shrugged, "I  thought it would take me a while to find both of you, to be honest, but when I got there I just followed where people are gathered. I was pretty  shocked when I saw the two of you playing beer pong with Axel James."

"Yeah,  I don't really know how you end up having that bet with Axel," Hailey said with curiosity all over her face. "I don't even know how the two of you ended up talking in the first place." she continued.

"I didn't even know I talked to him," I said defensively.

Thinking about it now, it really does seem unreal. Just the mere thought of me talking to a celebrity and not choking up seems impossible. Me!  Unbelievable. But it did happen according to Hailey and I just wish I  could remember all of it. I feel like a dog asking for scraps but with my memories instead of food.

It was about 3:00 in the afternoon when I left Hailey and Josh's apartment. I tried my best to recall more of the events from last night while I sit at the back of my Uber ride on the way home, but maybe it's still too early because my head still hurts whenever I push myself to remember.

As I walked up the stairs of my apartment building, I wished they'd already fix the elevator. It's been a week since it's down and it's becoming more and more annoying that I'm paying good money just to climb through 12 flights of stairs since I live on the 6th floor.

I exhaled exaggeratedly when I reach the 4th floor. 4th floors must have a curse; I just feel so exhausted whenever I reach the 4th  floor, wherever. I stop for a while, catching my breath. The hangover isn't helping as well. Why didn't I think of this when I decide to get drunk last night?

I  continued walking up, taking my time. Damn it, it's hard to fight gravity. I swear I may not leave my apartment until the elevator is fixed.

I  stopped halfway through the last flight when I see a man's silhouette by my door. A lump started to build-up on my throat as I start to feel the panic rising. It might also be from the oxygen deficiency from all the stairs but think better of myself and try to be as quiet as possible. 

My mom always told me that there are two initial human responses in facing every problem, fight or flight. She taught me to use those two responses as options. She taught me to always try and fight first but in situations like this, facing a possible intruder, I have to disobey her. I would not be stupid enough to try and fight, nothing's worth more than my life in that wretched apartment, let them take everything, I'm flying. 

I  took one careful step after another until I'm on the landing. I've never appreciated the phrase "be quiet as a mouse" now more than ever. I  took another step on the landing when the floorboard creaked.

"Lauren?" the man asked.

I froze. The robber knows my name. Fuck.

I'm facing away but I can feel that the man went near the stairs to find me. I should be running now but I can't seem to move my legs. Why can't I  move my legs? Come on, stupid legs, do your job.

It wouldn't be helpful but I just want to cry right now. It's bad enough that I don't recall everything that happened last night. It's bad enough that I'm still suffering from a hangover. It's bad enough that I'm having an existential crisis because of my career but the thought that I  might be murdered today to top it all off is enough to make me shake. I  don't want to die.

"Lauren?" he said again then he tapped my shoulder.

I punched him in the face. Oh my God, where did that come from?

"Holy shit!" he said. I watched as he groaned in pain holding both hands to his face. 

My reflexes knew better than me and I thank them for it but after a few seconds, the adrenaline subsided and I felt the pain on my right hands.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

He uncovered his face but still held his right hand on his nose.

"Oh my God, Axel?"