M Y L I S T || myg

|33|

"I cannot wear this Yoongi."

I turned and looked at the outfit he had picked out in the mirror. The frills tripled my body size and it's yellow and orange color didn't match my pale skin at all.

"Let me see it!" He yelled from behind the door. I started to unzip it, shaking my head even though he couldn't see me.

"No way. No one is ever going to see me in that," I yelled back and I could hear his laugh. Once back into my original clothes I stepped out. Yoongi was standing there leaning against the wall arms crossed.

"I'm sure you looked beautiful in it," I shook my head blushing. He took the dress from me and put it back on the rack.

"No. Definitely did not," He laughed and helped me put my jacket back on and pulled me to the door.

"Let's go to the next store."

I trailed behind him looking around. It takes more from me to walk so my pace is slower than Yoongi's. People started to walk around me and I was close to heaving. I hated this.

I walked to the nearest bench and sat down taking deep breathes.

"Gray?" Yoongi's feet came into view but I couldn't breathe so I leaned my head between my knees.

"Sorry,"

"Why are you sorry?" He asked rubbing my back and I shrugged. I sat up and took off my jacket, a cold sweat running through my body.

"I'm not much fun to be around. Having to stop every few minutes," He laughed and gave me his arm standing up. I took it and let him lead me.

"If i'm being honest I'm tired from walking too. Do you want to grab lunch before going to get your Gucci Sweatshirt?"

He was being too nice. An old lady's eyes followed me the whole way past her before turning to her friend and whispering something. Judgement clouded their eyes over.

They probably thought I was starving myself. Throwing up the food I ate to be pretty. It's what everyone assumes when you lose a lot of weight right?

Yoongi nudged me.

"Sorry what?"

He looked my face over and repeated the question. We turned to go out the exit of the mall.

"Yeah sure. I would like some coffee,"

He smiled and pulled his coat on tighter as we walked out the doors, "Good me too."

The one difficult thing about living in the city was it was cheaper to walk everywhere. Cafes were on every corner of every block, easy to get to by walking. The mall was U shaped and pretty big so we had to walk along the building before getting to the street.

"Here put this in,"

I glanced up and Yoongi held out an Earbud, the other already hooked up in his ear. Taking it from him I sighed and looked up. The sky was a light purple, the sun behind the clouds and getting later.

He played some music I didn't know, soft calming music with a nice beat and a soft voice. It reminded me of cool nights, watching the sun set with blankets and warm drinks. That feeling of content and for a minute my body stopped aching.

I like to listen to music, It helps me get away and feel something other than pain. When I was in the hospital for my birthday, one of the nurses bought me an ipod to download music to, a cheap one that took a long time to down load songs to but I cherished it. The only this I did was listen to music all day.

I lost it along with most of my other things when my old apartment had a water leak and it got ruined.

"Who wrote this?" I asked as we turned a corner, the cafe I assumed we were walking to at the end of the block.

"I did."

I stopped walking and the earbud ripped out of my ear. Yoongi turned around and gave a small smile fixing his hat.

"What?"

"It's not finished. I still have to get Jungkook or Jimin to do the rest of the vocals and I don't like the bridge but-"

"You wrote this?!" I asked and he sheepishly grinned, nodding.

"Yoongi that's amazing!"

"You haven't even heard all of it yet Gray," He laughed and I took the earbud back in turning it all the way up so I could hear it all.

"Play it all over,"

He pulled his phone out and started it over. He took his earbud out and moved my hair to the side and put it in my ear. My face heated up and his hand brushing against my cheek.

I looked away, I couldn't help it. He held the door open for me and I walked over to a booth by the window, sitting down. He handed me his phone as he sat down across from me and I grinned.

How someone was this talented amazed me. I could hear hints of Hobi in the background but it was mostly Yoongi. His quiet singing voice and soft rap. Im disappointed I didn't recognize his voice at first.

"What would you like to get?" He asked me after I took out the ear buds, I just wanted to go lay down and listen to it on repeat.

"Um. Just a latte or something, I'm not too hungry."

He nodded and stood up walking to the counter to order. While he was gone I replayed the song again.

When he sat back down I looked up. I was reminded by another thing to do with Jungkook.

"Hey can I use your phone to call jungkook? I would like to go on a motorcycle ride with him soon. You know before i'm too weak" He glanced up and frowned.

"Your not too weak,"

"No not yet but everyday it gets worse," I could see him thinking. I didn't mean to be so blunt but it's the truth. When he didn't answer I continued.

"I have seen the way you all look at me different. I'm losing weight, can't walk as long, get out of breath easy." He shook his head and grabbed my hand. I let him hold it for a second, the comfort nice, before slowly taking it back.

"You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know Gray,"

I smiled at him. A worker called Yoongi's last name and I stood up going to get the order.

"Thanks but I don't feel very strong right now,"

He opened his mouth to speak but I turned and walked to the counter before he could say anything. The worker smiled at me and handed two cups of coffee and a bag. He was quick to stand up when I walked back.

"Look Gray I know it's hard right now but everything will work out." I took a deep breathe and sipped my coffee. I didn't believe a word he said. Yeah it was hard but it was only going to get worse over time.

"Come on let's get to that store before my meeting."