Abandoned Princess [Old version]

Chapter 93

The past Elaine, my first life, who struggled physically, emotionally, and mentally. She who was shunned from the affection and attention that she needed. She's still there, inside me.

Even if I wanted to. Even though I know that Edmund change. . . I couldn't help not to place my trust towards my father nor the people around me because something's wrong with me.

The person before I became a Holy Maiden didn't want to. She's so afraid, too traumatized that it affects me. My emotions were all over the place becoming uncontrollable. Fear and wariness were always there. She wanted me to run and hide from those people who hurt her.

Elaine wanted to be with the Queen. That's what she wished for.

I walked down the hallway of the Moon Palace with the pitter-patter sound of my footsteps.

In my 11 years in becoming the Abandoned Princess once again, it's undeniable the title was no longer mine.

But I still choose fear to deny the truth. Letting fear and destiny decide what I am.

Now... The words from Lucas continued to creep at the back of my mind.

He loves you.

. . . I know.

Upon entering my room I went to the hidden compartment beside the bookshelf and took the small box.

I then sat on my bed as my eyes run down the silver blade. The dagger I sneakily took from Bwi. That. . That innocent defenseless looking boy. . . I still couldn't believe that he's training under Mykel who, I just found out, wasn't just a royal adviser but also a trained assassin.

I need to become stronger. The magic within me hasn't fully awakened, it's not powerful enough to protect me from the future and the people—whether I like it or not—I had become attached with.

A frustrated groan escaped from my lips.

"Why do I have to die to unlock a part of my magic? Goddamn Cianna, making my life difficult," I said cursing the goddess.

I aimed the cold tip of the dagger at my heart. "After this, there's one more," I mumbled. I even out my breath preparing myself. Just one strong push and it will be over, easy. I can do it.

Hold on a second, I thought as the blade gleam at me.

Now that I have a third of my power, the self-healing magic would heal my injury faster and more effective for some larger wounds. I won't die with just a stab in the heart. I'll just be in pain. It will suffice if I twist the blade inside me fully destroying the heart. Thinking about how it would feel immediately made knees weak.

If I want to die I want it to be painless as possible. Who in the right mind would like to torture themself? Goddamnit.

The sudden dread from the thought made me unaware of my surrounding. I loosened the grip of the sapphire blue hilt and lowered the dagger with a pallid face.

"Stars, I can't do it."

"Elaine." An unstable voice spoke startling me.

My eyes widened at the sight of the king standing at the door. Deep lines appeared on his forehead as his eyes bore towards the weapon on my hand.

"What are you doing?" Edmund asked that came out soft almost quiet. He didn't move as if he was afraid.

"Father, this—"

"Elaine. Throw the dagger away."

"It's fine, father. I'm not—"

"Just do it, Elaine," he quickly said sounding more forceful and desperate. "Please."