Belong (D.M)

Part twentynine

Dear Ellie,
I have been so afraid of love for so long. I fear that it will break me down, leave me searching for something more for the rest of my life. Something that I can not obtain. The whole idea of love, an eternal need for someone else to complete you, has always sounded like nothing more than a fairytale to me, a made up story based upon nothing except a weak man's pathetic need for intimacy. However when I found you, the word love got a completely different meaning to it for me. Love was suddenly the warm feeling of your soft skin, the sweet scent of your hair and the harmony of your humming voice. Love was suddenly the calm of your green eyes, the happiness of your smile and the warmth of your wool coat. Love turned into something I could feel, something I could touch and something I could see with my own eyes.
Love surrounded me, clouded my mind with you and I will never be the same. I don't know where I went wrong at first, but I am aware that I have taken a lot of wrong turns during my days. Never has anything felt so worthwhile as the time I've spent with you. It is inherently pathetic of me to sit here and write you a love letter, but I need there to be proof that I can feel, that I have a heart capable of loving even after all these years of suppressing my emotions. I have found new means to hide my inner self away, and I am sorry my darling but I am forced to use them. I will survive by pushing away all I feel and all I am, but I want you to know that deep inside, I am still a fool for you. I will always be. I was never brave enough to ask you to be mine, and now I know that I will always be too late. We can not be together Eleonora Ember, I should've listened to you when you first told me that we are too different. We will not end up together, for I am not destined for a eternity of being someone's other half. Our destinies are too different, but how I wish for you to be mine.
Maybe in another life.
Yours,
Draco Malfoy

She put away the last letter she had gotten from him, rolling around in her bed. Her mind felt overwhelmed and blanc at the same time, and she wasn't quite sure how that was possible. She had known all along that they were not meant for each other, but her heart still always managed to find it's way back to him.

The next day she was walking back from the library as she bumped into him. He was walking alone, his eyes wandering around the stone walls and his lips dry and slightly chapped.

"You're wrong" she said as she ran in front of him.

"Excuse me?"

"You're wrong" she simply shrugged "you wrote in your last letter that we can not be together, and you are simply wrong"

"You read them?" he asked, sounding slightly surprised.

"All of them yes" she said, nodding her head "and although I did not understand all of it, I understand enough, you're feeling lonely"

"Partly yes, I suppose" he sighed, gripping onto his black leather book bag.

"Well you aren't alone Draco, you have me, I'm not going anywhere remember? You're not too late"

The pale boy sighed, looking at her with longing in his dull grey eyes.

"You're optimistic, that's sweet"

"You should be too" she said, offering him a smile as she reached out to touch his arm "if you want us to be together then all you have to do is ask"

"If it was only that simple" he sighed, looking away "no Ellie"

"You don't want us to be together?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows towards him as she let her hand drop from his arm.

"I do Ellie, believe me I want nothing more than for us to be happy like everyone else that I see skipping around this castle" he said, his voice trembling as he grabbed her hand "but I can't, there's so many complicated messy things surrounding me right now and I cannot risk your safety by getting you involved"