Belong (D.M)

Part fortythree

She laid in his arms, hidden amongst the rocks by the far end of the black lake. September had turned into October, and chaos was still running their beloved school.

Draco suffered greatly from what the dark lord had made him do. He had changed considerably since she first met him, since she first fell in love with him. He used to be so eccentric and full of life, now he was broken adolescent filled with fear and regret. He despised the dark arts, and he feared the dark lord.

His world had turned upside down so quickly. His family was in disgrace, he found himself disillusioned by the dark side and scared of the new regime trying to conquer the world.

He was no longer the confident, arrogant bully he used to be. He was no longer praised by all the Slytherins, he was no longer Snape's Golden Boy and he no longer had his braindead bodyguards by his side. He was being forced to do the dark lord's dirty work, torturing and cursing. 

He didn't want to torture anyone, she knew that. She could see in his eyes that he felt disgusted by the actions of the dark lord, and he lived each day in constant fear for the lives of his parents.

"Have you been sleeping alright?" she asked him, gazing up at the dark circles around his eyes "do I need to brew you more dreamless sleep potions?"

"I would greatly appreciate that" he mumbled "I find it terribly hard to sleep when my heart is at war with my mind"

"I'll get right on it as soon as we get back to the castle" she said, reaching up to stroke his cheek.

"Thank you" he said, smiling faintly at her.

She knew that after all, he just needed someone to stay. And she held him close, hoping that her presence would somehow heal him a little bit more. 

"I'm sorry I walked away from you Draco" 

"You had every right, I've done some horrible things Ellie" he breathed "and besides, you didn't really walk away, I kind of pushed you away"

"It doesn't matter, you needed someone and I should've stayed" she said, sitting up to face him "but I want you to know that I'm here now, where you go I go Draco"

He looked at her like he was unsure what to say, his bright eyes glimmered with something deeper, like a longing for what once was.

"That's nice and all Ellie, but you deserve someone who isn't like this... who isn't me, I'm not enough for you"

"You are enough, a thousand times enough" she assured him, grabbing a hold of his hands "and I love you, that means that I'm not just here for the good parts, I'm here no matter what happens"

"You know I remember every moment with you" he said, letting out a quiet laugh "I remember every word you've spoken to me, I can't stop thinking about it, all of it just keeps replaying itself in my mind like a sappy film"

She knew that there was light inside the boy sat before her, she could feel it. He envied others for their courage and strength, he felt envious of the traits that he considered himself to lack. But she saw both courage and strength hidden inside of him, she knew he wasn't evil.

However he didn't believe it, so he acted neglectful and pushed people away for he did not know how to deal with them. He proved people to be right regarding their worst expectations of him so he wouldn't have to live up to anything higher or to suffer the pain of letting anyone down. He had issues, deep rooted issues, but she loved him.

"I'll love you for infinity Draco" she spoke softly "I can't see it no other way"

Her words left a warm smile upon his pale lips, and he looked at her with adoration. The fact that he had come to love a muggleborn Gryffindor girl was nothing she ever expected by the once arrogant and stuck up pureblood Slytherin boy. However it proved that he had grown and matured along the way. And she couldn't help but wonder if a part of him had come to sympathize with Harry and all the other people in this world who were in danger, for he himself knew how danger felt. 

"Of course I'll love you for infinity too Ellie, I already told you that before" he said, stroking her cheek "but I need you to know that I'm a conflicted contradiction, my whole life is a conflicted contradiction"

"What is that supposed to mean Draco?"

"I mean that I'm like a paradox" he sighed, gazing out at the black lake "I want happiness but everything about me screams sadness and I'm ambitious but in all the wrong ways, I act like I don't care but I do..."

"You crave affection but reject it when it comes your way" she filled in, causing the pale boy to look back at her.

"Exactly" he said, something glittering in his bright eyes "Im a conflicted contradiction and I used to think that if I couldn't figure myself out then there's no way that someone else could either, but somehow you did Ellie, you've got me all figured out"

"Figuring you out is hard, I don't think I've got it all yet" she laughed.

"But you've come closer than anyone else" he said, pushing his lips together "no one else has even bothered to try to get to know me for me you know, no one sees me for me except you... you understand me somehow"

The wind blew through his silvery blonde hair, and she felt the coldness of the rocks underneath her. Autumn was upon them, and she knew that it would be colder and darker than any year before this. 

The pale boy's eyes wandered between her and the cloudy sky above them, and he looked like he was thinking about something, contemplating it back and forth in his mind. 

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, leaning her head onto his shoulder.

"Nothing, just something I want" he mumbled.

"What do you want?" she asked, gazing up at him with curious eyes.

"I want y... it doesn't matter what I want, I can't have what I want"

"Well what do you want? If you could have it I mean" she mumbled.

"You" he confessed "always you"

She lifted her head from his shoulder, looking at him with devotion. His eyes flickered from her to the dark lake, and he leaned his back against a large rock.

"I already told you that I will love you for infinity, what makes you think you can't have me?"

"Because of who I am... what I am, the stupid mark on my arm" he said, looking away "if the dark lord found out about you he would take you away from me, or worse, make me do something against you"

"We'll keep it a secret Draco" she said, moving closer to him "it can be just between us"

"I wouldn't want to put you through that" he said, gazing away longingly "that wouldn't be fair on you"

"Oh come on" she laughed, grabbing his chin to turn his head towards her "you can't keep me away from you, that wouldn't be fair on me, we've lost so much time already"

"We've lost so much time already..." he mumbled quietly to himself.

A comforting silence fell upon them, and in the distance she heard birds singing. The sun was still hidden behind the clouds, and the dark water in the lake moved slowly, crashing onto a few rocks before them.

"The thing is Ellie... I'm not good for you"

"You are not a bad person Draco"

"I think I am actually" he said sadly, gazing at her "I've done things that only a bad person would do"

"No" she hummed, shaking her head as she stroked his cheek "you've done things that a frightened person would do, the horror you have seen does not have to define you Draco, it only will if you let it, there is light inside of you I've seen it"

"Is there really Ellie?"

"Yes Draco"

A smile formed on his pale lips, and a laugh slipped out. He reached his hand up to stroke her cheek, and his fingertips trailed along the slight curve of her cheekbone. He lingered his rough fingertips on her ear, and she felt sparks underneath her skin. Her stomach tingled, and her body trembled underneath his touch.

"You feel like home" he mumbled barely audible as he looked at her in awe.

"What?" she asked, looking up at his bright eyes.

"My home is in ruins, it's nothing like it was when I grew up, I used to feel so safe and loved there but now when he sits by our table... it just feels wrong" he said, blinking his eyes "and it made me realize that sometimes home isn't a place, sometimes it can be another person, and you feel like home for I feel safe and loved when I'm with you"

Her heart skipped a beat, and his hand trailed down her neck, lightly gracing her collarbone. In that moment she could not possibly understand how the world could be so cruel to such a considerate and admirable boy. All he had seen, all he had been forced to do... it didn't feel fair. For he was no villain, he was simply lost and left with no choice.

And she too was lost for quite some time, trying to push her love for him away. She tried to suppress something so strong, something so powerful in a world that was already consumed in darkness. For love is the antidote for hate, and if hate fueled their world then love was what they needed more of. 

She had always expected love to be easy, for that's how all those films and all those sappy love songs describe it. But love is definitely not easy, however it is something worth fighting for. She was certain that she would put up a thousand battles for his love, she would sail every sea and climb every high mountain. For love as great as the one he held for her, it could never be replaced. 

And as she looked at him she knew. It didn't matter that he was broken, it didn't matter that he was bruised. She loved him, and there was no way she could never not love him. 

"Kiss me you twat" she laughed, and he was quick to cup her cheeks. Then he kissed her, and everything felt alright again. 

And as they kissed, the sun broke through the clouds, warming their faces. The light broke through the darkness.