Belong (D.M)

Part fortyone

Nothing hurts more than a heart left wondering why.

She went home, and the mood on the train was nothing like it used to be. It was quiet and gloomy, and the sky outside of the train windows wept for them. A war was upon them, everyone knew. And in the middle of the war stood the boy she loved, marked with darkness and brainwashed with fear.

That night when she unpacked her trunk in her room, she found a packet of wizochoc with something written on the back of it. 

Honest feelings just don't go away

She knew it was from him, she recognized the black ink and the neat handwriting. And for a moment her heart broke even more, and tears rolled down her cheeks. 

Her mother and father did not understand the tragedy at Hogwarts, but they still respected her wishes to be alone for the evening, unpacking in peace in her quiet room. Rebecka was downstairs with their cats, watching a old black and white film as she slowly petted them.

She took a bite of the chocolate, letting it melt in her mouth as she laid down on her bed. Memories if Draco laying with her on the bed, listening to the radio, came back to her. It seemed like no matter where she went, she could see him, she could feel his reminiscence.

She knew, of course, that honest feelings do not just go away. For when you love someone you can't just stop, that wouldn't be true love, like she told him before. She had only felt true love once in her life, and it was for the pale boy. But now she could not help but feel like the true love was being overshadowed by his betrayal. 

That summer she dreamt many nightmares. In some he came to her, whispering in her ear and kissing her cheek before he was dragged away by a dark hooded figure. She could her him scream, but she never managed to get to him. In other's he stood by, watching as her and other muggleborn witches and wizards were rounded up, pending their death. She never saw herself die, thankfully, but she felt it. And even when she woke up, she felt hollow.

It rained a lot that summer, and she could not help but wonder if it was the world's way of showing that it wept for her and her broken heart. Maybe it wept for the lost boy too.

They had blissful days of sun too, and from a moment to another she managed to forget her heartbreak. As she swam in the ocean with Rebecka and ate ice cream out in their garden she felt happy, and as she sat surrounded with her family on the couch drinking hot chocolate and watching old films in the evenings, she felt alright.

The summer came to an end, and it was time to go back to Hogwarts. Nothing felt as it used to, the feeling of longing for the castle were no longer there for she had no clue what she was returning to now. With professor Dumbledore gone she feared that the regime laid in the hands of darkness, and she almost felt reluctant to going back.

She did, however. She bid her heartfelt goodbyes to her mother and father and then her and her younger sister got on the train. Rebecka walked off to her friends with a concerned look upon her face, it was like she was trying to pretend that everything was in order as chaos roared all around them.

She sat alone for the first part of the train journey, seeing as Hermione, Ron and Harry wasn't returning for their seventh year. They had left in a courageous quest to end all of this once and for all, and she wondered when she would get to see them again. After a while Neville, Luna and Ginny came to her, offering her comforting smiles and a few sweets. Together they made their way towards the castle. 

The castle looked the same, and the stone corridors were familiar. However, she quickly learned how much had changed since that fateful day in June. Professor Snape, the former potions and defense against the dark arts teacher who used the killing curse on Dumbledore in place of Draco, was now headmaster. Next to him in the great hall sat all the old professors, looking hollow and sad. A few new faces wore nasty smiles though, deputy head siblings Amycus and Alecto Carrow, death eaters.

Defense against the dark arts had turned into dark arts classes, and during her first lesson professor Amycus Carrow strutted in with a horrid glare. The curriculum no longer focused on learning students how to defend themselves, instead it included learning how to cast the cruciatus curse on students who got detention and other spells she had no interest in learning, like fiendfyre. Professor Carrow took great pleasure in tormenting students, especially the ones born from halfbloods or muggles, seeing as he did not see them as equal to the finer purebloods.

She wanted to drop muggle studies as quickly as she found out that the lovely professor Charity Burbage had resigned. She could not bare to have classes with two of the Carrow siblings, however she was forced to. The class was made compulsory, and the curriculum changed drastically from what it had once been. Instead of learning about muggle life and such, the lessons now included long presentations of how Muggles were like animals, stupid and dirty. Professor Alecto Carrow kept insisting that they drove wizards into hiding by being vicious toward them and she often talked about her longing for the natural order to finally be restored.

She sat in the back of both classes with Neville, who flinched at every mention of the cruciatus curse. The both of them tried to keep a low profile, her for being muggleborn and him for not wanting to take part in the horrors of the unforgivable curses.

The hallways echoed with emptiness, and there was many faces that she missed seeing. Even though attendance to Hogwarts was now mandatory, many students did not return to the castle. Some did not want to due to them being muggleborn and some did not think they could get anything more good out of being at the school. Most of them were too afraid.