Written In The Stars

Dawn

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THREE MONTHS LATER

Anaya

"It's always darkest before dawn."

Ammi used to say those words a lot. Specifically, she said it in Urdu, "Jab andhera zayada lagne lage na, samajh lo ke subha hone waali hai." 

I, being incredibly silly, often asked her, "Ammi, how do you measure darkness though? During the night, it's impossible to tell!" I used to take the meaning of those words literally.

Chachi used to reply to that. "Jab lage ke koi hope nahin hai. Jab lage ke aur bardaasht nahin ho ga."

*"When it feels like there's no hope. When it feels like you can't tolerate it anymore." 

Three months had passed since Uncle's death, but there seemed to be a gloomy shadow over the family. Nobody said it, but the pain was obviously there. Nobody wanted to offend anyone else by admitting that they were silently mourning for him, or at least that's how it seemed.

Mamma didn't say it and she didn't even shed a tear, but even I knew her well enough. I knew she felt the loss of the man she once loved, the father of her children, and she felt it on such a deep level that her health started to decline shortly after she heard about his death. Consequently, she had to be admitted in a private medical care home, as she required medical assistance 24/7 in order to help her recover. 

I still vividly remember the day the doctor told us this.

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"No!" Faiz  shook his head. "I'm not sending my mother into a care home!"

"Mr Jamshed, this is required for her." The doctor had tried to remain calm. "This is not a permanent arrangement, it's just to provide her with the best care that she urgently needs right now." 

"I can hire a nurse to look after her. She's not going in a home!" He was already grieving the loss of his father, and now the idea of sending his mother into a care home was unimaginable for him. 

While in the West, it's common, for our desi people, the idea of our elderly/aging parents being sent to live in a home is unimaginable. I'm not saying that people in Pakistan don't do that, because if I say that, it would be a blatant lie. But majority of the elderly parents lived with their kids, especially with their sons. 

"Faiz..." I put a hand on his arm.

"No, Ana. I can't do that to her." 

"This is not a care home though. This is literally what she needs for her health!" I tried to convince him. "She needs 24/7 medical professional help, Faiz, and this is the only way she's going to get it. 

"Ultimately, we can't force you, Mr Jamshed." The doctor sighed. "But, as a doctor, I'm telling you what she needs right now." 

"Is Dr Fawad here?" Faiz looked up. "I need to speak to him." 

"He has been consulted on this. He agrees with this decision." The doctor said, starting to look a little irritated. I guess he felt that Faiz was questioning his medical knowledge.