I dont think anyone has ever known me like you.
Taken the time, had the patience, to try and truly understand me like this.
Many have tried. And failed. Been afraid, been wrong. Given up.
On both of us.
Especially this last year.
And it truly is their fucking loss.
Because we are both so beautiful in our own ways. We are both amazing, and together? A force to be reckoned with.
We both have hearts that have been marred, been worn down over the years. We've both had shit lives and had harder shit happen to us than anyone I know. Shit we don't talk to anyone else about. Things others couldn't understand.
There's things you know about me that I havent told anyone. Or ever will. You've seen a side to me that I dont show. You're special in a way no one else could ever be.
I think this is the closest I've come to truly trusting someone.
Even tho this last year broke my desire to ever want to trust anyone again.
I've had so many people nearly earn my trust. Because their words were convincing. But I dont believe words anymore. I believe actions.
And you've proven thru actions that you care about me so deeply.
You have such a good heart. And I dont know how you do when she never loved you like she should have. I dont know how you're so good. How your conscience is better than mine. How you make me want to be better.
Youre doing your best, and im so proud of you. Youre sweet and kind and loving. I have no idea how you turned out so amazing. Thats all on you honey.
We are trying our best.
You became my best friend this year. You became the person that was always there for me when others weren't. You proved it.
My "family", my "best" friend, others that I thought mattered who only lied about me and betrayed me. Their negative energy removed itself.
And you have remained, you've built me up when I was at my lowest. You were there thru everything.
You told me hard truths and were patient thru my emotions. Weren't scared off by my anger. Tried to understand why I think the way I do.
And for you I am forever grateful.
You are someone truly special to me.
Thank you for giving me so much and teaching me so much this past year. For becoming my best friend. A true friend.
Youre laying next to me now asleep, long eyelashes soft and still on your cheek. Dark unruly curls fanning your face. And you look so fucking beautiful. So warm and soft against me.
You wear stars around your neck now, a whole galaxy, stars i gave you. Theyre resting on your chest, and they're in the same galaxy as mine. I know they are. I hope thats how they stay. They still don't brighten my life like you have lately.
We both wear rings now. Matching rose gold, cold and solid. But when I hold your hand everything goes warm.
I told my dad about us. He said he thinks you're good for me. He likes you a lot.
I like the days he comes over now, and we all hang out. And it just feels.... easy. Like a little family.
The dogs love you. Cuddle you any chance they get. Get excited to see your familiarity now. Tails wagging when you walk in the door after ive picked you up from work.
I love how you feel in my bed. Like you've always been there now.
I love waking up to you. I love cuddling you to sleep.
I love it even when we are arguing because we don't agree on everything but I know we will work it out. This is too important to not work out. In one way or another.
Whether we end up as friends or whether this actually works out.
No promises. Just trial and error.
But you've become so familiar here now.
And I dont know how it crept up on me like this.
You scare me and excite me and dazzle me. You make me stare, and laugh until I'm breathless. You help me learn patience, you help me organize and be on time. You make me better.
You make me want to marry you.
Even if its just for fun so we can get a divorce and you can be my "ex wife" like you want.
And maybe you dont believe in it. Maybe you just joke about it, when you say you might propose to me. Or "what would your dad do if I asked him for his blessing?".
But I've gotten so used to you now.
Fuck. When did I get so used to you, being here, being my partner.
Youre my girlfriend now and other than the initial excitement I dont even think of you as that. I dont know how to explain.
I just think of you as mine.
My partner, my person.
I think of you when you're at work, and hope youre okay. I miss you.
I love you.
And it scares me.
Because I don't know if you love me back.
Or if you really can in the same way.
I've never been in love. I dont even know if I am now.
But youre so steady. Youre solid. Youre here and you make me better.
I know I love you and I know you're my best friend now. But is that enough?
I know its enough that I want you to stay in my life for as long as you can.
