I have missed you.
For so long I missed you like a favorite song. Like a familiar melody that makes my chest feel warm and bright.
I know you like the back of my hand. Like my shadow except now you've outgrown me by a few inches.
I can hear your voice without thinking when I close my eyes. Picture the way you blow those ridiculous curls out of your face when you're frustrated or comical.
You've always felt so fucking comfortable. No matter how long we are apart... we just pick right back up where we left off. I admire how you never seem afraid of anything. Always sure of yourself. It challenges me to match that confidence. You're good for me, like I've always been good for you.
I love how you're sure to break thru my walls, push yourself into my space where others seem hesitant. You've never been shy to touch me, to play with my hand or lean in close or wiggle those silly eyebrows. You make me laugh like a riot.
Tonight you told me like it is and layed everything out on the table. Our twisted past. Our worst memories. The things that have made us colder. They're so incredibly easy to talk about with you. Your eyes are so easy to stare into. Like all the time we spent together got our souls a little mixed, and so now they're bound to be magnetic. You stare right back at me just the same.
You've given me such deja vu because you're just like you always were but now, also so different.
We walked for so long, and I noticed how much you've changed and grown. Long hands stuffed in your pockets, cigarette dangling from your lips, soft cheeks pink with the autumn night. You're a whole James Dean dork and I have to admit I'm impressed and intrigued. Especially when you say things in that new way.
You held the door for me at the chocolate shop, stood as close as you could to bump and rub my arm teasingly, and god I just remembered the little bubbles of happiness in my stomach. I remembered thinking why the fuck had we wasted all this time, when we both could have always had this ease.
Because we were both afraid. And fear is the only thing that prevents you from taking a chance on the best possibilities in life. It is so worth taking that chance. Even when the outcome is uncertain.
And god have I regretted not taking the chance because I was afraid.
It was so therapeutic... to talk about our truths. To share the pain that we understand. I wish I could have protected you. I wish I would have told you long ago.
I nearly forgot how dear you were to my heart and it's something I wont forget again.
If you ever need it again, I will protect you.
And now I'm glad you seem so happy and at peace with yourself. Just being around you again made my heart feel light. I smiled almost more than I could bear. I always want u to keep that same smile. Dont let anyone ever take it away again. Thank you for making me feel so amazing just by being you. That is rare to find and I had forgotten.
Thank you for the night, old friend.
