I'm in the shower again where I do most of my thinking. For some reason the water sounds like a storm at sea, racing and wrathful, all crashing waves and misty wind. But surprisingly my mind is calm. I feel like everything is going to be okay.
I've been thinking a lot about the future and started to get very anxious over it lately but sitting here, meditating on positive thoughts and energy, I realized that stressing about my future is pointless.
I'm not where I want to be. I dont have everything I want, I havent accomplished all my goals. And so what?
No one on earth has.
Social media makes everyones life appear like a fantasy because we mostly only post the good things. Brag about our triumphs with a picture, caption it with a poetic phrase that makes us seem wise. And that whole system tends to force us to compare our life with the next person.
But the truth is no one has it totally together. Life is incredibly difficult. Sometimes it's hard to even want to get out of bed. Sometimes horrible things happen to us that we cant even face emotionally. Sometimes we make stupid mistakes we regret. Everyone deals with these things in different ways.
But rarely do you see someone post about the horrible parts of their life or the mistakes they've made. So it's easy to forget that no one has had a perfect dream life the whole time.
It's easy to feel inferior, to feel like you're not up to standard.
But the truth is... so what if your life isnt as good as someone else's? You cant be anyone but yourself. You cant change things out of your control. You just have to make the best of you and what you can do. And with the right attitude... you can be amazing and work for everything you want.
I've been setting goals for myself the past few months.... and I've already met some of them. Some I'm still going to have to have a lot of patience for and that doesnt bother me much. I will show all the patience in the world and put in effort and stay steady while I wait and work for things I want and who I want to be.
Everyone longs for their "happy ending." To be the best version of themselves and have everything they want immediately. But if we recieved all that in a rush would we really learn anything?
It would be like, putting in a movie, skipping to the end and watching the final scene where the hero rides off into the sunset triumphant. But then the credits would roll, we wouldnt have really learned anything about the hero, and we wouldn't have watched an amazing story.
I want to be my own hero, and I want to have an amazing story to tell, and most of all I want to learn more, because that it what life is all about. Learning.
So I'm not in a rush for anything. I'm not anxious about my future right now, because I know I dont need the best of everything right now to create my happiness for myself. And I'm not ever expecting anyone to create happiness for me. That's my responsibility.
I feel calm. I feel strong. Like I can do anything.
Sometimes I doubt myself and that is a mistake because there are other times when I have clarity when my depression and anxiety aren't screaming and I know my true capabilities.
I am not the most beautiful girl but I am a beautiful soul, I am kind and generous. I respect people who deserve my respect and cherish a select few that I feel deserve it. I try my best to not be selfish. To communicate effectively the best I can. To not hurt others and treat people how I wish to be treated and I feel like I'm very understandng most of the time. I try to support and encourage people. I've learned the hardest of ways to never take people I love for granted. When I really love, it's nearly impossible to break.
I work hard. I make beautiful art. I can cook, play guitar, sing your socks off, fuck your socks off. I can write and help people see their beauty.
Everyone good deserves to see how beautiful they are.
Something I need to learn more of is to show myself more respect and stand up for myself as fiercely as I stand up for others, I know. I need to be weary of people that have taken me for granted. Because once someone really takes you for granted, they've learned they always can.
I am strong and resilient. Sometimes I have come close to giving up but I never have
I do make lots of mistakes, but I want to learn from them. I know I have so many flaws but I dont let them stop me from trying.
Sometimes I get afraid and that's only natural, there's nothing wrong with it. But I'm determined to learn once again and remember these truths I've written.
I'm looking forward to all the good things I know I deserve, no matter what form they come in someday. I'm looking forward to all the growth I know I will accomplish. I will have an amazing life.
But in the mean time I am in no rush for anything. I am going to work hard on my personal goals and be patient with life and myself. Life will never feel picture perfect so im going to find something to enjoy and appreciate in each day of life I'm lucky enough to even have. I am going to be my own hero. I am calm and steady like the sea after a storm clears. And my sunset is on the horizon, but I will enjoy the journey on my way before my credits roll.
Breathe deep. Everything is going to be okay. You're going to be great
This is just something I wanted to write for myself to remember things I love about myself and things I want to work towards and the positive mentality I want to try to keep when life overwhelms me. If you're reading this I hope you relate it to yourself as well because you are strong and can do anything you want and work for the best life. Keep believing in yourself 💙
