Soon it will be six.
Since we talked.
And here I am still writing to blank pages. Speaking into dark spaces that are empty. Like I'm crazy sometimes.
I am and that's okay. I have to live with it.
I still miss you all the time. Think of you everyday, even if only in passing moments.
You were everything to me. And I was so lucky I didn't even know how much.
I've learned so much since you've been gone.
Most people don't have ones like you. They don't talk or care. They don't laugh together. Trust each other.
Most aren't loved like I was. Like I still am. I still feel your love when I think about you.
It's in every part of who I am.
I was everything to you. And you poured your all into me.
Until the day I die I could never be so worthy as to deserve such love.
When so many others have less than a fraction from theirs.
My heart aches for them.
The ones I know that walk this world without the unconditional love and support I had every day.
Why did I receive it but they didn't? Every part of life is so unfair.
They are so good. Every one of them. That feel like they aren't enough because she doesn't support them. She left them in the dark and didn't care for them the way you cared for me.
They deserve to feel loved.
And so if you're out there.
God I hope you're out there somewhere.
I beg you.
This year, I beg you to give me one thing from beyond.
Not for me.
But please.... In whatever form you can. Give some of your love to them, the way you'd have given it to me.
Let them feel safety, security, comfort, warmth, home.
Make their heart feel alive and cared for. In whatever way you can. Wrap them up in a hug they can feel in their bones through the arms of someone they know.
I don't know where you are.
But I know you're out there somewhere because you were an angel long before you ever died. And I know you'll watch over them.
If you watch me now. If you can hear me please give me this request. Because I've had more than my fair share.
Send them some love. They deserve it mom.
They need support to keep going right now.
And I'll do my best to keep loving them the way you taught me.
I'm trying my best out here.
Still. For you.
Life is a long road of almosts and bests shots. And that's all we can ask for.
A few good moments with people that are just trying to be the best they can be right now.
All we can do is make the best of this with the love we have been given.
So if we've been given love, we have to share it with those that haven't.
That is exactly what I intend to do.
Keep watching because I want to make you proud.
And when I look back on my life I will come home to you with a smile on my face.
