Timeless Snow ✓

Ch. 28 - Sanity

Taehyung spent the better part of three hours trying to calm you down and soothe you. You begged him to return you to the hospital. He didn't have to deal with all the baggage that came with your mentality. You tried so desperately to push him away, but he refused every attempt. He agreed only to take you back to the hospital if it was what you wanted, and it wasn't because you were trying to run away and hide. Jimin was coming to pick you up to take you back at noon, either way, you calmed about an hour before he showed up. 

Leaving Taehyung's house with a warm and loving hug and a longing kiss, regretted its departure. As you pulled from him, readying to leave the house, you saw the worry clouding his eyes, a look that caused the guilt to come bubbling back to the surface. With a jump in your step, you bounced down the stairs of the apartment complex and calmly rushed to the passenger side of Jimin's car. Swinging the door open you climbed in and shut the door behind yourself quickly. A heavyweight falling from your chest as you exhaled and let your eyes close for a long moment.

"Uh... You okay?" Jimin shifted himself to turn to face you a bit better from the driver seat. The official color of his eyes was brown, though the shadow his eyes created always made them a glossing speckled black. Dark eyes were both a blessing and a curse. One minute you could see the world swirling in the mixture of colors that illuminated his eyes, or see the darkest parts of your soul reflected back at you in such a way it would haunt your core. He was using that serious tone that he brandished when he didn't want to play games with what was wrong with you now.

"Not at all." Your words chased your sign as your eyes fluttered back open and shifted toward your big brother's gaze. "I'm..." Cutting yourself you turned your head back to your lap and looked down, your fingers nervously starting to ring at the hem of your shirt. "I'm getting worse." Chewing the inside your cheek you looked back in his direction, inwardly you worried how he'd take that kind of news.

Jimin's eyes blinked quickly a few times before he too averted his gaze. His hands shifted from the car steering wheel down to his lap. He didn't avoid your eyes out of shame or disappointment, it was out of fear. The feeling of helplessness that he couldn't help one of the most important people in his life. It was as if he had no choice but to stand there and watch his baby sister drown in a sea of mental illness. He was your first protector, the man that showed you what it was like to be loved and cherished for who you were and not what people wanted you to be.

Reaching across the center console he quickly placed his hand atop your fidgeting fingers. Gripping your palms tightly he held your hand, asking calmly "What happened?" as possed to wondering why you felt that way. You adored him for that, allowing you to justify your statement before shutting down such negative talk.

"I couldn't recognize Taehyung this morning." Pinching your lips together tightly you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling the pit in your stomach growing bigger with each daunting second that passed. "I called him 'Sam' again." Guilt clung to your words like snow against the still earth. Jimin sat softly in silence, trying to gauge the right time to try and bring a smile to your face, not wanting to make you feel like you were being silenced.

You explain the events of yesterday as well as the morning. Leaving out only the sexual details, you got into the nitty-gritty detail and explaining the calamity that was your mental state. Going back to a fiction tale of a man named Yoongi that you remembered from a dream. A man that had unknown motives that an imaginary version of you tried to rebel against. You had a lingering memory of a mysterious man named 'Sam' that you never recall meeting, yet Taehyung seemed to be the one you mistook him for. You were starting to slip from reality, you just wondered how long it would be before you lost yourself.

Jimin held your hand softly, comforting you in silence as you explained yourself. No judgment in his eyes and no question of who it was seated beside him. He never saw you as anything less than his beloved sister. You were convinced even if you went on a spontaneous murder spree that he'd still stand by your side and find a way to defend you against those who were to prosecute you. You hoped that it would never come to that.

"Look, this is just another obstacle we've got to get through." Jimin finally said as he pulled your hand closer to him. "This isn't your ending, and you know that." Reaching across the car he brought his free hand up to your face, cupping your cheek in his hand as he smiled at you lovingly. "I know you're getting tired of fighting. I know it's exhausting to stay strong." His thumb softly stroked your skin below your eye, trying to wipe away the gloss he could see forming at your waterline. "You've had to go through so much. Which only means the ending is going well worth it all because you earned it. You fought for it." Pulling your face up he forced you to look up at him, to compel you with his gaze of determination. "You'll never walk this road alone, Y/N."

With a reluctant nod of your head, you reached up for his palm and pulled it down from your face. Grabbing his hands tightly, you conveyed your appreciation for his sentiment and forced a smile as you looked into his obsidian eyes. "I know." Reaffirming you gently pushed his hands back to himself as you took in a deep breath to signal that you were calming yourself back down. "One or way or another, we'll be okay?"

"That's right, Babs." Jimin smiled with contentment, believing his words had comforted you. He wasn't exactly wrong, he had a way of making you feel better. Though, darkness lingered in the back of your mind. An unnatural chill running through your veins as you couldn't help but question your sanity. The fear that came along with the idea of losing your mind. You wanted to have hope, you wanted to truly believe that therapy and medication would someday fix you, but it wasn't a guarantee. You couldn't ignore the gut feeling you had, that you needed to worry for what was to come.