Timeless Snow ✓

Ch. 65 - Peace

"It's been a year and I still miss you every single day..."

"I don't think this will ever get easier, and that scares me. Why did you have to leave? I ask myself that question all too often. I wish you were here to see the world turn with me. There's a void on the planet that no one can ever fill. It scares me. Part of me is still angry that you left and I feel guilty because of it. I wish you could have held on just a little bit longer... I miss you."

You sunk deeply into your dreams your first night back at the hospital. As you slumbered, pieces of a fantasy world began to form. You recalled a familiar head of bushy brownish red hair and a raggedy beard to match. Christopher had an aged smile but it was genuine to the very core, weathered down by years of depression and sorrow. He smelt of sugar cookies without explanation. 

Tucked away on a little park bench made of old rotting wood and iron they sat. Dreary clouds circled the sky but the threat of rain was still at bay. Sitting beside the man, you contemplated in silence. A dreadful feeling gathering in your gut, feeling sorrowful that you couldn't help Christopher. His marriage had broken apart, yet he cared so deeply for her. He was distraught thinking she may never be able to move on from his absence. 

It finally clicked, Christopher had killed himself... 

Sometimes sorrow is burrowed too deep in people that they can't escape. The fight is too much for them to take, and who are we to judge the choice? It was heartbreaking that someone's world could be so broken to cause this to happen. It was a shared feeling of sadness that connected them in the moment.

Taehyung...

...Samuel 

"As you know, memories can be a heavy burden..." You felt the words coming from your throat but your voice sounded different. "You made your choice, and Lidia will make hers." Reaching out your saw your arm move toward Christopher and place your palm against his shoulder. 

You could see all of this happening, you could feel the touch of his jean jacket against your skin. The smell of the air, the foliage clinging to the breeze as the winds shifted with the coming storm. The problem was that you weren't controlling your actions or your words. It was as if you were trapped as a passenger in someone else's body. Who's body?

"Staying here, lingering like this will do no one any good." Giving his shoulder a conforming squeeze before returning to your own lap. Drifting eyes allowed you to survey the land. The quiet damp park tucked into a little town in the middle of nowhere. It was an odd place to have a talk, yet its quiet comfort brought peace. 

"What's your name?" Christopher asked as he broke the silence. His green eyes staring up at you from his slumped posture. Death hadn't brought him peace from his memories, this is the price he paid to linger in the living world and watch the world go by. There was a deep ache in your chest as somehow you related to that suffering. 

"Kasey." That name blurted from the lips you occupied. You felt your heart freeze in place as you realized how you were inside her body. You were seeing her memory, her life. The only problem was, she was talking to the dead... What did it mean? There was a dull silence that followed before the soul-grounding question was asked. "Did you die too?" 

"I did." Kasey responded, wasting no time with hesitation. "That was a long time ago..." Kasey's shoulders shrugged as she took in a deep breath as if reconciling with her choice all over again. You could feel the stormy air enter her lungs and the conviction she felt at that moment. This took empathy to an entirely different level. Christopher opened his mouth to ask but Kasey beat him to the punchline. "Car accident." 

In a flash, you collided with the vivid recount of Kasey's tragic death. 

You felt how her arm bend the opposite way, breaking at the elbow as her ribs concaved inwardly, puncturing her lungs and liver. Screams barreling from her throat so loudly that they ripped at the muscles on their way up. The only thing to heal them was the warm taste of her own blood as it forced its way up her throat and burst from her lips like a volcanic eruption, silencing her agonizing screams... at least outwardly.

This was it, wasn't it? This felt like the worse case of deja vu, a memory you never wanted. 

Not even a second later, something pierced through her abdomen, skewering her like a human kabob in a fraction of a second. You could have sworn you felt her own stomach leave her body, but not before the acids contained inside spilled onto her lower intestines, making them burn hotter than any fire you could imagine. All you could do was focus on the pain. The unimaginable and colossal agony that Kasey went through at the moment of her death...

You tried to gasp for breath. You tried to scream, you tried to talk. You could feel everything, every last bit. 

"Kasey!" A horrific and terrifying scream that took the symbols of her name. You were finally able to lift your eyes, just barely as they hung heavy like iron. Hazed from the tears and forced nearly shut from the pain. You could make out the figure of a man, squeezed between the driver's seat and passenger's side, reaching out to you. Large, callous hands reached for your blood-stained face, engulfing your cheeks in a tight squeeze. You could feel every bit of what it was like to be Kasey...

The memory of her death was quickly replaced. You remembered Gregory Bowers. You remembered the heartache you felt when he confused you for his daughter. The way her name echoed in your head, his voice linger in your ears. You assumed his poor eyesight and old age is what caused his confusion, allowing him to forget she had died over twenty years ago. Old men were fickle as their memory faded, but it was that same warmth of love in his voice. 

At that moment, Gregory Bowers knew something that you weren't ready to accept. Even now a piece of you still questioned your sanity. What was anyone to make of this? Christopher Horn, a man ten years your senior. He died two years before you were born, and you were only twenty-five. Was it possible to have been someone else in an entirely different life? Yet, It wasn't Kasey's life you remembered the most... it was her death. 

"Is it possible Lidia can't move on because I'm still... here?" Christopher asked as his green eyes shadowed by his lids looked over. Inhaling, the thought was pondered on for a pregnant pause before offering only: "I hope not, but no one knows for sure." 

"Do you have people you still love... alive?" He asked hesitantly, unsure of what kind of answer he could get. "I do." Taking in a breath your mind drifted to memories of Taehyung, while flashes of a life with Samuel played on an opposing movie reel that ended abruptly with a quick; "But, I gave up my spirit to the 'greater' good." Looking to Christopher there was conviction in the voice you shared with Kasey. Spite nipping at her words despite her best attempts to keep it to herself and retain a proper composure. 

"If you stay here too long, you'll end up like me." Kasey lifted her hands and stared at her shakey palms. Despite having the same appearance as she did when she died at the age of eighteen, her skin was paler now, withered away by a life lived in the 'after'. It was as if life was slowly being drained from her the longer she lingered in limbo. Dying, ever so slowly, all over again. 

"Find peace..."