Timeless Snow ✓

Ch. 8 - Forever Yesterday

There was more of a pep in your step as you headed back to your room now. You wanted to escape both the situation and find yourself some privacy without making it appear too obvious. That nurse had taken a risk giving you that type of information and you were well aware of that. The more you downplayed it, the less likely her goody-two-shoes ass will go to administration with a guilty conscience. It was times like this that reminded you this place encouraged you to disregard your emotions.

You could see it now, Dr. Andrews questioning you for an hour straight about why you were badgering the nurse about some man named 'Christopher.' Wanting to know the 'deeper' meaning in it all. Granted, that was exactly what you were doing now. There was a bit of hyprogracy in that. Was it wrong to wish to figure out your mind on your own? You didn't want the help of some emotionless doctor to figure out a dream that likely meant nothing. The way some therapists wanted to violate the singular need to be self-sufficient, it was disgusting how empty their medical terminology felt. You were just a patient number to them. It was just more paperwork added to the pile of reasons why you shouldn't be released. You couldn't have that.

Shuffling inside your room you kicked your dull white slippers off by the door. You felt the sting of the cold tile floor against your feet, but those hospital slippers weren't exactly comfortable either. With a breath, you headed over to your bed.

You wished you had a secret cellphone stashed under the mattress, which you had done two years back. Taehyung had supplied you with a burner phone to keep you entertained when he couldn't. You put his contact in under some random name and set the phone to immediately delete all messages or phone call history. Covering all your tracks. It didn't stop the orderlies from finding it one evening after another patient was caught with a razer tapped under their bed and ruined something good for everyone else.

Having your room tossed made you feel like you were in prison. Realistically, that's all this was. A glorified prison with debatably better health care. You couldn't check yourself out despite your age due to your history. Your parents held the power of attorney over you, which more or less meant they owned your life. They controlled your finances, they controlled your medical power of attorney, they controlled your freedom. It was humiliating to not be able to make your own choices even into your mid-twenties. That was just life for you.

Twisting around you let your body fall and flop yourself down on your bed with a heavy huff leaving your lungs. You weren't allowed a clock in your room, not even one mounted to the wall. You had learned to tell the time by the shadows that the window grilles made on the opposite wall. That straight shadow line was almost touching the upper left corner of the door frame, it was nearly 10 am. That mean's you'd be getting your morning medication soon.

Taehyung was working the morning shift today, so he'd be the one delivering your medication. Finally, something to look forward to. You had time to kill though and nothing to kill it with. Your eyes fell on your tiny nightstand and leaned over to grab the small hole carved in the center in place of a knob. Knobs were considered dangerous.

Hooking your fingers in you ripped it open and reached inside in search of a single book. Homework from Mr. Andrews. It was some kind of psychological torture to give you a book to read, knowing full well you had nothing else to do with your free time and you'd have to resort to reading it just to do something - anything.

Gorilla and the Bird by Zack McDermott. A memoir that illustrates the devastating effects that the author's disorder has on those around him. The author talks about how his disorder tests his relationships, in particular with his mother. You hadn't finished it yet, you were still on the seventh chapter. You couldn't help but question if this was Mr. Andrew's way of trying to get you to 'rekindle' the flame between you and your family - particularly your parents. The people on his payroll.