Timeless Snow ✓

Ch. 39 - Gone

Deep breaths entered your lungs as your eyes snapped back open. Quickly they darted around to figure out where you were. Finding yourself still in the graveyard you quickly looked to your right, ensuring Taehyung was still with you. With one hand on your shoulder and the other held at chest level, keeping an umbrella above both of your heads. Looking up at the black umbrella, your sense of sound returned as you heard the pitter-patter of the rain against the stretched waterproof fabric. When had it started to rain? Finally, your name reached your ears as Taehyung called out to you, how long had he been trying to get your attention?

Looking back at him, you swallowed the lump in your throat. You could see his lips moving but his words sounded miles away. Your eyes shifted back toward the direction of the tombstone you were staring at prior to your little 'daydream'. "It's starting to rain, we should get out of here." You barely heard and swiftly turned back to Taehyung. "No." You said quickly, and louder than you intended given where you were. "Ah, not yet." You corrected, trying to play down the harshness of your demand.

You wanted to explain further, but nothing came out. Stretching your legs, you stood up from the bench abruptly. Taehyung tried to keep the umbrella above your head and save you from the rain. The concern in his eyes was real, as you had never opted to stay in the rain before. Stepping forward, you made a slow track toward the grave. Your feet crunching fall levels under your feet as you carefully walked around the graves, mindful of what lied just under the earth. Time felt still, the rain fell slowly, and even your breathing came in timed breaths. You could hear only now the sound of your heart and the faint magnetic feeling drawing you closer.

'Susan Bowers.' Read the elegantly carved stone. Taehyung stood close, waiting to see where this lead. He wanted to ask what was special about the grave, to question if the person buried meant anything to you, but he kept himself silent. You had no answers to give. You didn't know who the person was, or why reading that name made your heartbreak piece by piece. It felt as if you lost something precious, something that was bound to you.

'Susan Bowers'
'February 4, 1972 - August 11, 2027'
'Loving Mother and Wife'
"Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees I'll wait for you, and should I fall behind wait for me"

You couldn't quite explain the empty feeling that expanded in your chest. A hole so large in your heart, it felt like it was ripping in two. The feeling was heavy, it brought you to your knees. Pressing the balls of your knees into the damp grass that covered Ms. Bowers's grave. A woman who died states away and decades ago. There was no way you had ever met her, even if she was someone introduced to you as an infant. There was no explainable reason for the crippling feeling of loss consuming you.

Moving the umbrella over you now, Taehyung opted to stand in the rain. You were already on the ground, he wasn't going to let you be rained on. Reaching out, you traced the curved 'S' of her first name, the grainy texture of the stone scraping the tips of your fingers. At that moment, something clicked.

"This is..." You started to say as you pulled your fingers back from the carved stone. Looking to your right, the scent of fresh flowers caught your attention. Noticing a lone man a few feet away holding a bushel of flowers in his hands as he passed you by in silence. As your eyes followed his trail, you noticed a depressed dent in the earth. In the shape of two ovals, the indented area was positioned directly between Susan's grave and the grave next to it. The prints were small enough they seemed like the impression of someone standing at that stop for hours, day after day.

Placing your hands on your thighs, you bought yourself back to your feet. Taehyung followed as you took a step to the right, your body tilting to the side as you tried to read the gravestone. The name that was written stopped you in your tracks.

Kasey Bowsers
April 25th, 2000 - August 10th, 2018
Loving Daughter
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

Your breath stopped, your heartfelt as though it was missing from your chest. Quickly you brought your hand to your chest and clawed at your sternum, trying to physically feel the hole inside. Your lips parted, trying to gasp for a breath but your lungs refused to work. Slamming your eyelids shut, you hoped to regain control of your body. For a fraction of a second, you figured you were having a panic attack. 

You could feel your arm bend the opposite way, breaking at the elbow as your ribs concaved inwardly, puncturing your lungs and liver. Screams barreling from your throat so loudly that they ripped at the muscles on their way. The only thing to heal them was the warm taste of your own blood as it forced its way up your throat and burst from your lips like a volcanic eruption, silencing your agonizing screams... at least outwardly.

This was it wasn't it? This felt like the worse case of deja vu, a memory you never wanted. You tried to force your eyes open, wondering if you were still on the outside looking in. Based on the pain though... 

Not even a second later, something pierced through your abdomen, skewering you like a human kabob in a fraction of a second. You could have sworn you felt your own stomach leave your body, but not before the acids contained inside spilled onto your lower intestines, making them burn hotter than any fire you could imagine. All you could do was focus on the pain. The unimaginable and colossal agony.

"Y/N!!" Tashyung's voice screamed in the back of your head. Finally, your eyes snapped open as air rushed back into your lungs. Droplets of water splashing on your flush cheeks. Your eyes adjusting to the grey sky above. You were on your back now, staring up at the vast cloudy sky and Taehyung's worried face. "Baby!" He called out as he noticed your eyes finally open. "Are you okay?!" He asked quickly, his hands bracing your shoulders.

He had managed to slip himself between you and the ground when you fell. Fog filled your mind as you quickly assumed you must have fainted. "Uh, yeah." You said with uncertainty as you started to push yourself back up. "Take it easy." Taehyung braced your body, readying himself in case you fell back. Your body felt stiff as you tried to seat yourself on the rain sprinkled grass. You took in slow large breaths, blinking your eyes as you tried to get them to focus.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and flicked away the moisture in the corner of your eyes with a few more flutters of your lashes. "We should get out of here," Taehyung said as he kept his hand placed in the center of your back. "It's probably the rain." His chin tilted up as he looked up to the swirl grey clouds in the sky, the rain splashing against his cheek. He planned the weather with reason, the rain had a tendency to 'trigger' you. It made you anxious and afraid, you couldn't handle the sounds of loud thunder. Taehyung knew this, he held you through every storm.

Which is why he was surprised, you had managed to go this long before breaking down. A sad reality to accept. However, today didn't feel like the others. The rain itself didn't seem to sting with anxiety. The rushing feeling of dread and fear wasn't flooding your system like it used to. For the first time, it just felt like rain. Your brain was far more concerned with the vivid imagery you had just experienced.

"No." You said softly this time as you raised your dreary eyes up to Taehyung's golden brown gaze. "It's not the rain." You tried to simplify, not knowing how to expect what it was you had just gone through, and the longer to dwelled on the thought, the more you started to question your sanity. 

"What is it then, babe?" Taehyung asked, finally settling his knee into the earth beside you as he accepted your place on the ground. You didn't care to stand up, unsure if your legs were ready. "Don't be afraid to tell me." He knew you were. Of sounding any more insane than you had already proved to be, but all of this was starting to become more than you could handle on your own. You were honest with Jimin, and though you talked to him frequently, it felt unfair to keep skirting around the subject with Taehyung. You didn't hide anything, you weren't lying to him. You had no real answers for yourself.

"I..." You started, taking in a long deep breath as you tried to fuel your words. "She was right." You whispered under your breath first. Taehyung's brow raised, but he waited for you to explain. You kept your eyes down, staring at the grass. "I am Kasey."