Songs for the chapter: Uma Thurman by Fall Out Boy & Dark Storms (Acoustic) by Our Last Night
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I allow the kiss to continue as he takes my face in his hands. His lips are soft and unfamiliar against mine. I haven't kissed anyone in so long; the feeling sends a rush through my body. His tongue slides across my bottom lip, just like Luke's used to. Luke, I'm kissing someone besides Luke.
The alcohol regains control of my mind and I let his tongue slip inside my mouth. It is cold and wraps itself around my own. I feel his hand slowly slide down to my waist. He slips it underneath my shirt and sets it on the small of my back, pulling my body tighter against his. He bites down on my bottom lip and gently tugs on it. When he releases it, he looks up to meet his eyes with mine. He bites his own lip and smirks before bringing his lips back to mine, harder this time.
I don't know how long we continue to make out on the side of the house, but it feels like a long time. My hands are wrapped around his neck, gently tugging on his soft hair. One of his hands is on the brick wall, while the other one is on my back once again. He continues to trace small patterns all over my back, giving me goosebumps. Suddenly, I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I pull away and he looks confused. "Sorry, uh, I'll be right back," I slur before running away from him.
I sprint back to the other side of the house and to the inside. I push past people as I head straight to the only bathroom that I know of. Luckily, there is no one in there as I barge in and run to the toilet. I lift the lid up quickly and immediately let it out.
I thank God that I didn't get throw up anywhere besides the toilet. When I finish puking, I flush it and lean back against the counter. The room is spinning and I have to close my eyes so I don't throw up again. The horrible feeling came out of nowhere and I'm just glad that I didn't get it all over Nathan's shirt. I pull out my phone and call Linley, hopefully she'll be able to hear her phone.
"Yeah?" She answers and I am so glad to hear her voice.
"Uh can you come to the upstairs bathroom please," I say slowly.
"Be right up," she says and hangs up the phone.
I feel the alcohol rise in my throat once again and lean over the toilet as I cough and let it all come out. It burns coming out just as much as it did going in. This is why I don't drink. How much alcohol did I even have?
"Oh God," I hear Lin say as she walks in the bathroom. "First of all, lock the door next time, you goof. Second, we need to get you home," she says and slowly makes her way over to me, plugging her nose.
"I don't wanna go home," I slur. I lean back over the toilet and puke for the third time. "Okay, maybe I should go home," I say after I wipe my mouth.
"Yeah, let's go," she says and helps me off of the ground. When I stand up, I almost fall over and she has to help me stand up. I was so dizzy, I didn't want to move.
We get downstairs and Nathan is standing in the kitchen.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asks when we approach him.
"She got a little sick, she's had a lot to drink," Linley answers for me and I silently thank her. If I talked, I would probably throw up again.
"Oh..Well if you didn't want to kiss me, you should've just said so," he says with a small smile and a wink.
I laugh a little. "It wasn't you, I promise," I manage to get out.
"Well I'll see you around, hopefully," he smiles. "I would kiss you goodbye, but I don't want you to throw up again."
We both laugh and say bye before Lin and I make our way out of the house.
"Ugh, why did we have to walk," I say groggily after we have been walking for a while. I was so tired and just wanted to lay down. I could puke again any minute.
"Well good thing we didn't drive because we're both drunk. Also, why didn't you tell me that you and Nathan kissed?!" She yells with excitement.
"Sorry, I was a little busy vomiting in the bathroom," I say back.
"Well you better give me details tomorrow," she says.
When we finally get to my house, we try to be as quiet as we can so that we didn't wake my family. Lin tucks me into bed and gives me three water bottles and a few plastic bags in case I throw up again.
"Are you sure you want me to leave? What if you throw up again or something?" She asks.
"I'll be fine Lin, I promise. I just wanna sleep and you don't have to stay here," I mumble into my pillow.
"But Al-"
"Linley, I will be fine. If I really need something I will call my mother, but I will be fine. Go home and get some sleep," I assure her.
She sighs. "Okay. Call me when you wake up tomorrow?" She asks.
"Of course," I say back.
"Love you," I hear her say as I drift off to sleep.
"Love you Lin," I mumble.
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I wake up a few hours later and run to the toilet in my bathroom. This time it is a lot worse than earlier and I wondered if it was ever going to stop. I wipe my mouth and take a deep breath as I sit against the bathtub. All at once, a million thoughts rush back into my head. The feeling of an empty mind is now gone, I knew it wouldn't last forever. Bits and pieces of the night come back to me, making my head throb. Connor, new people, dancing, kissing Nathan. I kissed someone else? The slight feeling of lips against mine was still evident, but I barely remembered it. I kissed someone and it wasn't Luke.
Luke. If he was here, he would be taking care of me while I got sick. He would hold me until I fell asleep. If he was here, I wouldn't be drunk off my ass to the point of coughing up my lungs. I wouldn't be sitting here on my floor alone. I wouldn't have kissed anyone else.
The tears come out of nowhere, but they pour down from my eyes. I pull my knees to my chest in an attempt to feel less alone, but it's no use. Lips that didn't belong to Luke's were on mine, and I felt guilty. I didn't feel guilty because it wasn't Luke, but because I kissed Nathan while I was still in love with my ex-boyfriend. Granted, Nathan probably didn't want anything serious, but I did. I didn't want just a hookup, I wanted a relationship. I wanted the same relationship that I had with Luke, I didn't want to be without him anymore.
Each day it hits me more, every hit harder than the last. Was the pain ever going to stop? Would I be stuck in this oblivion forever? Each time that I try to rebuild the walls that protect me from thinking about him, a new memory comes through and destroys them. The natural disaster of missing Luke crushes my progress, and I don't know how much longer I can keep trying to fix myself.
I slowly get up, making sure that I don't have to puke again, and head back to my room. I open my closet and pull out something that I haven't seen in months.
I throw a crewneck of Luke's over my head and am overwhelmed with too many feelings. The scent of his cologne mixed with his regular smell overpowers my nose and I am sent back to a time that he held me as we layed in bed. This causes me to cry harder and I wipe the tears with the sleeve of the sweatshirt. I lay in bed and wrap my arms tightly around my own body. The warmth of the shirt does not do justice and I need him here to help me stop shivering. I'm sure he didn't know that I kept this one thing, but I hope he did. I hope he looked for it one day and relized he didn't have it. Maybe he realized that I had it, then maybe he would've had to think about me, just once. I don't want the pain anymore, the emptiness. I just wanted it to stop, I just want him to come home to me. But he wouldn't.
Luke was gone, and he wasn't coming back.
