All I Want - Sequel

•49•

Today is the day I leave to Oregon to be with my mum and brother. Leaving the UK for a bit was a really tough decision, but I think it's what I need to do to get past all this drama with Tom. Some space will be good for us. With everything going on, I just need a break. Pregnancy is hard enough. With all of this added on to it? Almost unbearable.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Haz asks as I put my bag into the trunk of his car.
"I need to just be alone for a bit. Besides, someone's gotta keep my projects going."  I say.
"Alright.." he sighs.
I look over, seeing Tom walk out the door and towards us. I almost feel bad, but I need to put myself first right now. I deserve to put myself first right now.

"I'm going to miss you." He says as Haz steps away to give us our privacy. "Are you sure you don't know when you're coming back?"
I sigh, knowing that he deserves a time limit. He's my husband, he deserves to know this information. But I just don't know how long I will need. It could be a couple days, it could be a week or so. All I know is I need to get away.
"I'll let you know as soon as I do." I assure him.
His arms wrap around me, pulling me in for a hug. It actually feels somewhat comforting, even though I'm still upset with him. He's my safe place. He will always be my safe place.

"I love you. Always." He whispers as his hand runs over my hair.
"I love you.." I whisper back.
We pull from the hug, and he takes a step back as I open the car door to get inside.
"Promise you're going to come back to me." He says with pleading eyes.
"Promise." I say.
_____________________________

Oregon.. just as gloomy and grey as London. Not the ideal vacation spot but I guess this isn't really a vacation. Besides, it has my family. That's all I could ever ask for.

I walk through the airport, looking for my tall ass brother. I can always spot him in the crowd, as compared to my short mother.
"Lia!" I hear my name called, and turn around to the voice.
"Noah!" I say excitedly, running over to my brother and hugging him tightly. It's been far too long since I've seen him last. He's grown so much, I can't believe he is a whole adult now. Time goes by far too quickly.
"How tall are you now?" I ask, taking a step back to actually look at him.
"6'1" he answers.
Absolutely ridiculous. Good thing I got the short genes though because I seem small compared to Tom whereas a lot of girls don't.

We go out to the car, and he begins driving us to the house.
"So are you going to tell me what he did?" He asks me.
"No. Definitely not." I shake my head.
"I'll fuck him up." He warns.
"Don't worry, Haz already took care of it." I laugh.
"Are you seriously not going to tell me?" He asks.
"I'm sorry.. but now is definitely not the time. Maybe soon, but not now."

We get to my mums house, and I happily skip inside, ready to hug her for the first time this year. I've missed her more than I could even explain. Being pregnant without your mum around is really fucking hard. It sucks.
"Mum!" I say happily, catching her attention.
She turn to me, a wide smile growing on her face as she pulls me in for a hug.
"Lia honey! I can't believe you're actually here!"

We sit down on the sofa to chat and get caught up. Wasn't planning on telling her what happened. All she knew was that Tom and I are having troubles and I needed some time away. But it's hard to not tell your mum everything. At least it is for me. So soon enough it all begins to spill out, tears coming along with it. This is the first time I've allowed myself to cry over this..

"I know this is hard.. but think about it." She starts. "Think about how you felt, growing up without a dad. How alone you felt, and how you always wondered where he was and why he didn't come to see you.. do you want Tom to be that man?"
"No.. obviously not." I answer.
I would never wish that pain on any child. The feeling of knowing that you weren't worth your father staying fucks with your head. I've had self worth issues my entire life because of my father. I'd never want Tom to cause a child to feel that way..

I can't continue to stand in his way with this. Yeah, maybe it's not my baby, but it's his. And Tom is the most important person in the world to me. I can try to be more supportive. Yes it's going to hurt, but the least I can do is try. That is after I get over how he brought up Derek in our argument.
"Now.. you also have to realize that Lydia is going to be around all the time for the rest of your lives." She says, and suddenly any hopeful feeling I had is gone.
"Yeah I know." I sigh.
"Your marriage is never going to be the same. You guys are going to have to learn how to navigate this huge change."
I hate how right she is with all of this.. 

•Toms Pov•
This has been a very shitty day. I'm trying to refrain myself from texting her because I know she needs and deserves some space, but it's so hard. I just want to know she's okay, and that she's not mad or upset with me. Except that's not the case. She is upset with me. She has every right to be.

There's a knock on the door, and I stand to my feet to go open it. Who the fuck is at our house this late? It might be Haz..
"What are you doing here?" I ask with confusion as I open the door to Lydia.
"Well Lias out of town isn't she? So it doesn't matter." She states.
She walks past me, into the house, and I shut the door behind me. I turn to face her with a nervous feeling, and she rolls her eyes at me.
"Relax. I'm just here to make sure you're okay with everything going on." She says.

Lydia? Wanting to make sure I'm okay? That doesn't sound like her at all. She never cared about my feelings before. She just used me for money and that was it.
"Well I'm fine, and you should go." I say.
"Your wife left you. You're not okay." She scoffs.
"She didn't leave me, she is at her mum's house." I shake my head.
"Well you're obviously not okay so, lay it on me." She says, sitting down on the sofa, waiting for me to talk.
I do really need to talk to someone about this. And I can't talk to my two best friends because they're both against me right now..

I sit down next to her, and we talk. About everything. Every little feeling I didn't realize I was bottling up comes spewing out. Upset, anger, irritation. None of it directed solely at anyone but myself. I mad about how I chose to handle this situation. I should have been honest from the beginning.

"Tommy I know this is hard but if anyone can figure it out, it's you." She assures me.
"I just want to be a good dad." I sigh.
"And I have not one doubt that you will be the best dad in the world." She smiles.
"You think so?" I ask.
"I know so. You are perfect, Tom."