All I Want - Sequel

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"Tom.. stop." I say.
"Lia.. I love you. I do." He shakes his head. "But it's not just me and you anymore. I need to put my child first."
Oh my god.. don't say it. Please don't say it. I already know what's coming and I'm not ready for it. I never saw this day happening.
"And what if I change my mind?" I ask.
"What?.." he says with confusion.
"If not wanting her baby means loosing you.. then fine. I'll mother her kid. I'd mother a hundred kids. I don't fucking care Tom I just don't want to loose you.." I give up what I want, because what I want is going to cause me to loose the person I love most in this world. I desperately don't want to raise another woman's kid, but I love him.

"No.." he trails off.
"What?" It's my turn now to be highly confused.
"No. I don't want my kid raised by someone who doesn't want them." He says. "This whole situation has been hard.. but it showed me that you and I? We just don't have the same morals and values."
This doesn't even sound like him..
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I'm willing to put my child first.. and you? You just keep putting yourself first." He shakes his head. "You're selfish Lia.. and I don't think I want that anymore.."

I feel a pang of hurt hit my stomach, and tears begin to well in my eyes. This couldn't be it. We couldn't possibly be at the end.. we've barely even had enough time. It didn't matter whether or not I was willing to raise this child, he just wanted me to want the child, and there's no way to fake that. I can't give him what he wants, so he's ready to move on. It was never about the kid. It was about the fact that he's realizing he doesn't love me anymore.

"So you're just done with me?" I choke out.
"Please don't say it like that.." he sighs.
"How else am I supposed to say it Tom? Isn't that exactly what's happening here?" I scoff.
"We still have a child together. We're still going to be friends."
Friends.. he's calling us friends.. he really is ending it. I can't believe it..
"So you're saying you want a divorce." I state.
"I've thought about it a lot, it wasn't an easy decision."

He's been thinking about it.. for how long? What length of time seemed to be enough to come to a decision that he doesn't love me anymore. Why is it that the one good thing that has come into my life and changed it forever is leaving.
"You're leaving me while I'm pregnant with our baby?.."
he simply gives me a sad look, but it fades quickly.
"This is what I mean though.." he trails off. "You're trying to make me feel bad for doing what's best for me and my kids."
"You are fucking leaving me while pregnant Tom! I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to be selfish right now but if not could you please supply me with a list of acceptable times to be selfish?!" I yell at him.

He stands up, almost shocked that I raised my voice at him but what does he expect? This doesn't even make any sense! He flew down here five days ago because he wanted to save our marriage, now suddenly he's ready to throw it all away?!
"Tom you're not yourself right now." I state.
"I don't know what I want anymore Lia, but I do know that I don't want a woman who puts herself before my child."
So this is it... he really, truly, does not want me anymore. The day we swore would never come. It's here.

"I'm flying home tonight, when you're ready to come home we can sit down and go over everything that needs to be done." He says.
"Get out." I say just over a whisper.
He stands there, just staring at me with hurt in his features. He doesn't get to make me feel bad for this.. he made this decision himself. "I said fucking get out!"
I hold back my tears, suddenly loosing any comfort I had with him. He can't see me cry. He can't see me hurt. He's not who I thought he was and I just need him to leave.

"I'm so sorry Lia." He mutters.
"Don't apologize. Just leave."
I don't know if I really mean those words, because I know that I am just as in love with him now as I was on our wedding night. Of course I don't want him to leave.. but that doesn't stop him as he turns around, and slowly walks towards the door. I'm watching the love of my life walk away from me. Leave me.
"Tom." I catch his attention as his hand rests on the door knob, about to leave. "Do you even love me?"
His eyes look back to me, almost empty and dead.
"I don't know anymore.."

He opens the door, and leaves without another word. I instantly break down into tears, grasping my hair with my hands as I sob loudly. I just want him to turn around, change his mind, come back and tell me he always has and always will love me, but instead I hear the car pull off to the road. He's gone. He's not coming back. He doesn't care how broken I am right now.

"Why does this always happen." I cry to myself.
I'm always left. I'm always the one that is abandoned. I'm always the unwanted one. No one ever stays, and I should have realized that by now. It doesn't matter that we were married, I should have known it was going to end sooner or later. Why would anyone want me anyways? I'm. The. Worst.

"No one loves you anymore Lia.." I whisper to myself as I stare off into space. I'm hitting that dark place again. The dark place that Tom pulled me from and kept me from going to. I can feel it all coming back now. All the insecurities, all the pain.. I'm selfish. I'm a bad person. He was right, none of this would have happened if I wasn't such a bad person. I don't deserve Tom.. I don't deserve anyone..

No. I'm not going to let myself fall down that hole again. When things ended with Derek and I, I was broken. I felt this way and I never thought I would feel okay again. It hurt. It was miserable. I will never put myself through that again, even if Tom has completely shattered my heart into a million pieces. I rest my hand over my heart, trying to calm myself and slow my breath. I can do this. I can be okay.. I have to be okay.

I stand to my feet, feeling weak and shaky. Who wouldn't? My life is quite literally falling apart. I feel a sharp pain in my lower stomach, and my hand rests over the area of pain.
"Jesus Christ." I groan as I take a deep breath, hoping for a bit of it to subside. Most of my pregnancy pains go away pretty quickly.
It begins to pass, and I stand up straight and turn around.

Blood...

Blood is soaked on the sofa, right where I was sat. I feel my heart race, and my eyes slowly glance down at my legs. More blood...
"No no no no..." I mutter quickly as I run to the bathroom. I unbutton my pants as quickly as I possibly can, dropping them down.
"No please no.." I cry as I see the clots that are just too big to be normal.. "please.."

As I see the amount of blood I've actually lost, I know exactly what has happened..
"Fuck!" I scream with tears falling rapidly.
My baby.. my sweet little joy that I was supposed to hold in my arms.. the child I was supposed to birth, watch grow up, love and take care of.. they're gone. I failed to be a good wife.. and I failed to be a good mother.
"I'm so sorry.." I cry. "I tried to keep you safe.."
I lost my baby.
I fucking lost my baby.

I take off the clothes, and step into the shower since there's blood running down my legs.. the hot water runs over my body, almost burning. I feel so numb. I'm loosing everything that's most important to me in this world. I lost my baby and the one person who I need here the most is leaving. I'm alone.. and I don't know if I will be able to make it..

A/N: AND THATS THE END!
Thank you guys for reading♥️ follow me to get updates on when book 3 will be coming. I am taking a break from this series to write a sequel to 'Drawn To You' and then I will be coming back to do book 3. I appreciate u guys. Pls don't be too mad abt this ending haha