A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 23. Friends And Protectors.

Natasha feels more than helpless as she watches [Y/N], who sits crying between Bucky and Steve. Minutes go by in which Steve tries to persuade [Y/N] to calm her down but no matter what he does, he doesn't seem to get through to her. And there's nothing Natasha can do. There would be no point in joining her friends and if Natasha is honest, she doesn't even know what to say to her female friend. Even without the two men, she would just be with her and hold her like Bucky and Steve are doing right now. But even if the said doesn't even notice, Natasha admires her strength. The file lists several accidents that [Y/N] caused while suffering. The earthquake when she found out her best friend was dead was the best example. And even when she is suffering terribly again, she seems to have enough control over her strength to not cause new damage this time.

Bucky tries to imagine what is going on inside [Y/N]'s head, but he is aware that he cannot see through this ocean of emotions. He has read for himself what is in her file, what happened to her best friend, what missions she had to go on and what happens to her memory. There are too many information at once that [Y/N] has to process and even though he would like to blame Steve for telling her, he knows that Steve was right and that there was no other way of telling her about her file. For god's sake, if Bucky had known about her nightmares and memory loss, he would have gone looking for answers himself!

Steve feels [Y/N] tremble in his arms, shaken by her tears and pain. And he's starting to get terribly worried. Nobody can endure such a breakdown for long and [Y/N] has been sitting next to him like that for more than 30 minutes. He's worried that she'll collapse any moment.

[Y/N] hears Steve talking to her and tells her to calm down. He's sharing his worries about her because her body won't be able to handle that breakdown for much longer. And even though [Y/N] knows that he's right, she can't stop the shaking of her body and the exhaustion that comes with it. Her body is just waiting to shut down finally but all the thoughts in her head and all the pain she feels seem to stop her. She wants to answer Steve and in her mind, she does. But her lips don't move at all. She's unable to stop her tears and tremors, let alone talk. A feeling of despair creeps upon her because she feels bad for not answering Steve and not being able to handle these informations differently. She can't even lift her head to look at him but the look in her eyes would only hurt Steve furthermore anyway.

Bucky wishes he would be as good with words as Steve is most of the time. He wishes he would have the same bond with [Y/N] that Steve has. Because even now, even though she doesn't answer Steve, he keeps talking to her and tries to calm her down and Bucky just knows that she is listening, even though there's no sign of it.

Unintentionally, Steve had pulled [Y/N] closer to him in his attempts to encourage her, so that she is almost completely in his arms by now. His left arm is wrapped around her back from behind, his hand rests on her waist and his right hand moves comfortably up and down her right arm. And [Y/N] just leans against him, while Bucky sits on the other side of her and his metal hand mimics Steve's movements, while [Y/N] holds his right hand almost convulsively in hers. He sees Natasha watching the scene with concern but not daring to get up and leave them alone. She's just as worried that [Y/N] is about to collapse as the two men are.

Suddenly, Steve lifts his eyes and looks sadly at Natasha and Bucky can see that they share their concern without needing any words and he sees that Steve feels just as helpless right now, not knowing what else to do. Along with this comes the realization that Steve's bond with [Y/N] has also its limits and even though he shouldn't feel that way, Bucky feels a little better now. Steve and [Y/N] had months to get to know each other and develop a strong relationship. Months that Bucky was missing due to being in Wakanda and he only now realizes how that missing time burdens him.

Watching [Y/N], she always seems so close with everyone, even Sam, no matter how weird their relationship seems. He knows that Sam cares about her and that she cares about him too, even though she was skeptical of him at first. Bucky is not a jealous person but he envies his friends for the time they had to develop a deeper bond with her. He wishes that it would be as easy for him to always find the right words to say to her and that he would be able to make her laugh like only Sam can or give her the kind of comfort only Steve seems to be able to give her. He wishes she would look at him with as much pride and affection as she looks at Natasha or Steve. But even if he is always preoccupied with all these comparative thoughts, he is now aware that his friends are also reaching their limits. That when a person is suffering so badly, no relationship in the world can alleviate the pain that [Y/N] is going through right now.