A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 25. Coping.

The first night, Bucky stays awake and lies next to [Y/N] to watch her. The new knowledge about her life tortures her in her dreams, making her toss and turn and whimper. Bucky can only guess what pain she is going through but he knows that he can't wake her up because these dreams need to be dreamed. Even if he would wake her up to spare her these nightmares tonight, she'd eventually sleep and the dreams would come back, no matter how much time passes. She needs those dreams to recover. He knows too well because he had the same kind of nightmares for months. His nights looked just like hers for a long time, tossing and turning, his body bathed in sweat while his subconscious tried to process his life. It had been months of agony until a pair of beautiful [y/ec] eyes looked at him one night and slowly pulled him out of his dark dreams. Her eyes had been like a light in the darkness that he still had to think about in Wakanda. It was the memory of her looks full off affection, understanding and courage that kept him going on in Wakanda, trying to fight the Winter Soldier programming. It was [Y/N] that motivated him to not give up, even though she wasn't there with him.

When [Y/N]'s state worries Bucky too much, he begins to stroke her arm, grabs her hand or pulls her into his arms where he holds her protectively. Sometimes, when the nightmares become too much, she wakes up, frightened. But the first thing she always sees is Bucky, who looks at her sympathetically and always seems to know what she needs. When she doesn't want to be touched, he just waits for her to calm down and puts the blanket back over her until she falls asleep again. When she sits on her bed, trying to even her breath, he sits with her. Sometimes, he wraps her in his arms and rests his head on her shoulder until her heartbeat and breath adjust to his rhythm.

When the sun rises the next morning and shines in the bedroom, [Y/N] is sleeping a little more calmly, but her forehead is wrinkled, her eyes narrowed slightly and Bucky knows that she still has no pleasant dreams. Nevertheless, he is relieved to see that she seems to be slowly settling down. With a tired smile, he runs his thumb over her face and watches how her facial features relax as a result of his touch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Steve walks through the kitchen restlessly and Natasha turns to him with a grin. "Please stand still for at least a moment" she says and tries to lighten up the mood while they wait for the coffee to be ready.

But Steve barely notices his friend until she grabs his hands and thus gets his focus. "I'm sorry, Natasha" he sighs when their eyes meet.

"You should be. You're making me all restless and I have not even had my first coffee yet" she grins but Steve's mood is still not improving. "Stop worrying, Rogers. [Y/N] is with Barnes so I'm sure she's fine."

"How can I not worry? It's my fault she's in that state!"

"It's not your fault, Steve" says Natasha gently and strokes his hand soothingly with her thumb. A sad expression can be seen in her eyes that comes from the concern about her friends. She hates to see that Steve blames himself whenever something goes wrong. "That was Hydra's work alone. You have nothing to do with it, therefore it is not your fault."

"Maybe I should have-"

"You've done everything right!" Natasha interrupts before he can continue. "If you wouldn't, I wouldnt't have accompanied you. It was the right thing to do and deep down you know it, too."

Finally, she seems to get through to him so Natasha lets go of his hand and grabs the two cups of coffee, of which she hands one to Steve. "Now, let's have some breakfast before you continue to overthink. The day is still long enough for that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Y/N] lies in her bed and watches Bucky's even breathing after he fell asleep sometime this morning. Only when he was sure that [Y/N] was feeling a little better, he too had allowed himself to rest and fell straight into a deep sleep.
Watching him like this has something calming for [Y/N] and a smile full of admiration lies on her lips. When it comes to Bucky, she feels a form of affection that she does not feel for anyone else, leaving no doubt about her strong feelings for him. Feelings that go far beyond friendship or simple attraction. These are feelings that make her want to wake up next to him every morning, hear his voice every day and feel his lips on her skin and on her lips every day. Lips that have previously only kissed her cheek, forehead or lips and to which she is already addicted to. When Bucky is with her, [Y/N] feels deeply relaxed, as if he were her calm anchor. Lost in the thoughts of her feelings for him, her fingers begin to stroke the bridge of his nose, then circle his jawline and strokes his cheek with her thumb, always careful not to wake him up. Eventually, her hand lands in his hair and even though he looks incredible attractive with the new haircut, she almost misses the modern Jesus look to which she was so used to. His new style is just another proof of how much has changed over the last weeks.