A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 37. Still There.

Everything's at full peace. For once, things are perfect for Bucky. [Y/N] is laying in his arms, her head resting on his chest as she's listening to his steady heartbeat. And he feels nothing but peace. Her hand is drawing random patterns on his chest, her touch so gentle that it almost tickles him. Everything's silent, their breathes the only audible noise in the entire apartment.

He doesn't know what she is thinking about so he doesn't know that she feels nothing but happiness and peace as well. He doesn't know that she feels safe near him and that tonight has been the best night of her life so far.

He would have never thought that the woman from Bucharest would ever mean so much to him. He would have never thought that he would ever be able to make friends again, let alone fall in love. It was not only his wish to be a better person that brought him here but his wish to make her effort into their friendship worth it. She was the first one that wasn't scared of him, not for a second and that saw the person behind the Winter Soldier. It was not just his will to make things right that made him work on himself because he always wanted to come back to her one day and show her that she was right by believing in him.

But he would've never thought of falling in love with the sound of her voice, her beautiful [y/hc] hair or that her jokes would not only cheer him up but make him laugh along. She had brought him happiness when he didn't know anything else than pain and sorrow. But by now she has brought him so much more - namely peace in every aspect.

As his fingers draw small circles on her back, his mind wanders to their whole journey together. His chest feeling heavy from the weight of the confession he didn't dare to make until now. "There's something I have to tell you" he says to [Y/N] and breaks the long silence. The concern in his voice worries her and she prepares to hear whatever news he has to share. Maybe Bucky will leave the compound and tonight was his way to say goodbye. Maybe he had his own family with children in the 1940s and he tried to forget about them with her help. Maybe something bad happened in Bucharest or Wakanda. Maybe he's even in love with Steve and their night together has finally made it clear for him. "[Y/N]?" he asks and interrupts all her thoughts of doubts as she hasn't answered him yet.

"I'm listening" she says softly and lifts her [y/ec] to look at him, encouraging him to go on.

Bucky sights out of relieve, knowing he still has her attention because he needs all of it for his confession. His gaze is serious but a warm, small smile is on his lips that slowly fades as his own eyes move away to look at anything else of her body than her eyes. His fingers caress her arm now and he focuses on the soft feeling of her skin against his. "You know I have nightmares from time to time, too..." he begins, his voice low. "It's because I remember. But it also means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier is still in me." He takes a short break because this is the first time he has told someone about that. His eyes move back to meet her gaze and [Y/N] can see in them that he isn't done talking yet, so she waits until he is ready to continue.

"I tried to tell myself that it's okay because it's my destiny. I can't take back what I did or who I was. And who I thought is still a part of me. I thought I don't deserve anything good, that I don't deserve happiness. I didn't think I was allowed to move on. And admitting to you would've meant that I moved on. That I'd have tried to, at least. But I was wrong."

He takes one more break to calm his nerves, the confession feeling more painful than he would've thought, his heart is racing. "All you do show us is that moving on is possible and important. You showed me what moving on feels like... And.. What I'm trying to say is... I love you, [Y/N]. And I'm no more afraid because I know it's going to be okay as long as you're with me."

With tears in her eyes, [Y/N] looks deep into the beautiful ocean of blue and a hint of green of Bucky's eyes, her heart racing. She never thought about the depth of his worries and feelings for her like that. She always just tried to flow with their relationship, thinking that Bucky was still trying to find trust in the people around them. His words touch her deep and her mouth feels dry when she opens it. "I love you too, James" she says and Bucky feels like he has never heard anything as beautiful as this.