A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 29. Everyday Life.

In the next few days, everyday life returns to the compound of the small Avengers group. There is still not much to do and it is clearly noticeable how restless the group feels but especially Sam, who, unlike Natasha and Steve, has not been on a mission for a long time.

This constant sitting still and hiding is not particularly good for any of the group and especially Steve secretly asks himself how long it has to go on like this. He wonders how many years they will have to be on the run before they can live a slightly more normal life again. He especially regrets it for Sam, who has not seen his sister and nephews for a year and a half. Even before that, his visits there had been rather rare as he was busy working side by side with Steve but he still visited them for a few days every few weeks. But since their adventure in Germany, Sarah's house isn't a safe place for Sam anymore.

Steve blames himself for it sometimes. After he knew that Bucky was still alive Steve had just focused on finding him and ignored what kind of effect Sam's help would have. But knowing Sam, Steve knows he would always act the same way, despite the consequences. And with friends like Natasha and [Y/N], Steve can share his worries when he needed to. The women know him well enough to always recognize when he's feeling troubled and are able to cheer him up.

Natasha is relieved to see that [Y/N] is starting to open up to her friends again and that she is hiding less. Not only had she not seen her new friend for a week but after that [Y/N] had hidden a lot in her room for a week and she had started to miss the time together with her. After losing Bruce, she doesn't want to lose another loved one. She already misses visiting Clint and his family very much. Except for a few secret phone calls with him, they have no contact to stay undiscovered. Unlike her friends, however, Natasha is used to keep herself under wraps and being restricted in her freedom. However, in recent years she had fully devoted herself to her work at S.H.I.E.L.D. and with the Avengers, so that she too feels the unrest of sitting in the apartment day after day.

For Bucky, on the other hand, the days almost fly by. He had acted as the fist of Hydra for years, fighting endless battles and being in war for over 70 years. He enjoys the peace and quiet and the knowledge that there will be no new fight in the near future. Even his healing process has been on a better path through the year in Wakanda. Knowing that his programming has been erased makes him feel free and takes away the fear of becoming the Winter Soldier again. However, he still has to live with the guilt and the knowledge of his actions. He has to live with the fearful faces of his victims before they took their last breath burned into his mind day and night. No time in Wakanda can take away this fate. He is more than aware that his soul and psyche are broken but he sees it as a punishment for his actions. Even if he often wishes that his suffering would come to an end, he finds it only fair to the victims.

But when he's with [Y/N], he's a completely different person. When he's with [Y/N], he's James Buchanan Barnes. Not so much the womanizer version of James but the man who cares about his friends, who has a good heart and who may even be a little softie. When he's with [Y/N], he can just enjoy the time at the compound. He can laugh and feel happy and comforted. And although he and [Y/N] spent time together every day before, that time has increased after their conversation. Tenderness is no longer uncommon, it takes place behind closed doors as if it had never been otherwise. Every morning, Bucky greets her with a kiss and the fact that they spend the nights together came about by itself through [Y/N]'s nightmares. But even Bucky is haunted by nightmares from time to time, which of course does not go unnoticed by [Y/N]. But it is the closeness and affection for one another that make every night bearable, no matter how dark it seems at times.

[Y/N] is also the easiest Bucky can open up to, and not just because she knows him with all his worries. He doesn't want Steve to continue worrying about him. After all, Bucky always tried not to worry his friend, which is why he hadn't told him about the experiments on him back in the 1940s. Steve has risked enough for Bucky more than once and Bucky wants him to finally stop worrying about him. And nobody but [Y/N] knows how hard it is for Bucky not to be the stronger of the two anymore and she always sees the pain in his eyes of the consciousness of how much he has changed.