Burnout (K.Sn) [Sequel]

To My Youth

November 2021

In the celebrations of a year since our debut we had held another event for fans. It was somehow of a fan meeting, concert thingy. It wasn't built up the same way as our last fan meeting, that was for sure.

"Are you read?" Jay questioned me and I quietly nodded at him, "are you sure? You don't have to go out and do it."

"I want to," I stated, "I want to go out and do it."

"Okay..." he nodded and grabbed onto the guitar the staff had prepared for him, "then lets do this."

I nodded in agreement before putting in one of my earpieces and grabbing my handheld microphone, getting ready to go out on stage, where staff had set up two stools for us.

"Noona, fighting!" Jungwon called out to me making me turn and look at him with a small smile as he and Niki both stood and grinned widely at me.

I was soon attacked in a tight hug from my other side, making me immediately recognize the scent of Sunoo.

"Go out there and do your best," Sunoo happily cooed and cupped my face in his hands, "it's the first time you show off one of your self-written songs. Make it memorable and make sure you won't regret it in the future."

"I will," I nodded at him.

"I love you, do well," he urged and pressed a kiss into my hair before letting me go out on stage in the dark.

I quietly sat down on the stool beside Jay's, making Jay quickly send me a look as if asking me if I thought this was a good idea. I just nodded at him.

The other boys knew I was going to sing one of my self-written songs for the fans today, but Jay was the only one who knew the lyrics. Mainly because the company had said another member had to be on stage, so we made our own little unit where he plays the guitar to it. So of course he had to know the lyrics to learn the chords and timing of the song properly.

As the light went on on stage the lights of our lightsticks immediately waved back and forth as I happily waved to the audience and put in my earpiece.

"Now..." I stated making it go calm in the arena, making a small laugh escape my lips.

"That was seriously impressive," Jay commented and I just nodded at him.

"Now... the next song is a song I've written, and Jay-ssi has been so nice to play guitar for me today," I stated and gestured to Jay who let out a small laugh at how formally I had presented him, "the song is... it is in Korean and it's very personal to me... so yeah... I want to apologize if I'm unable to finish it. I'll try my best to finish."

"Ready?" Jay questioned making me let out a small breath as I felt the nervous feeling wash over me.

"I quickly want to say that right now I have seven amazing boys around me, and each day is full of happiness and I cherish it very much," I quickly clarified before nodding at Jay who began playing the guitar.

I quietly sat and counted myself in before beginning to sing into the microphone. Remembering the same words I had written down myself.

At some point,
I used to wish I would
Disappear from this world
The whole world seemed so dark
And I cried every night
Will I feel better if I just disappeared?
I was so afraid of everyone's eyes on me

During those beautifully beautiful days
I was in pain
I hated myself for not being able to recieve love
My mom and my dad,
They're only looking at me
It's not how I really feel
But I keep getting farther away
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?

The saying time is medicine is really true for me
As the days went by, I really got better
But sometimes when I'm too happy,
I'm afraid I'll be in pain again
I'm afraid that someone will away this happiness

Those beautifully beautiful memories were so painful
I was hurting and hurting
But the pain wouldn't go away
My friends, all these people, they're only looking at me
This isn't how I really am
But I keep getting farther away

But still maybe I can be a bright light in this world
Maybe after all of that pain, I can shortly shine a light
So I couldn't give up
I couldn't fall asleep peacefully for a single night
because maybe if I keep trying to get up like this
I will find myself

I was about to continue the song when I felt myself get choked up and no sound escaped my throat. I immediately let out a small sigh before dropping my head into my hand before looking over at Jay and just shaking my head at him whilst pulling out an earpiece.

Jay immediately stopped playing the guitar and placed it on the stool before rushing over and hugging me tightly. Since I had already removed my earpiece I was able to hear the fans coo out and yell encouraging things for me.

"You did so well," Jay whispered making me just nod into his shoulder, "lets thank the fans and get you off stage, get you out to Sunoo. Okay?"

"Yeah..." I whispered with a small nod.

Jay softly patted my back and got me to stand up on the stage. I immediately bowed to the fans before raising my microphone to my lips.

"I'm sorry I couldn't finish the song," I stated, "thank you for your encouragement. I'll go off stage and get myself fixed for the next."

As I looked to Jay he just softly nodded at me before holding a hand to my back as he guided me off stage. I didn't get off the stage properly before Sunoo had pulled me into a tight hug and run a hand through my hair to calm me down.

"You did so well," he assured and I just nodded as I sniffled once more, "you're so strong.... be proud."

"I am," I muttered with a small nod making him cup my face and look down at me.

"Don't cry... you said yourself every day is filled with happiness now that you're around us," he stated making me just nod at him, "then lets be happy."

"Yeah..." I nodded at him making him grin down at me and pat the tears away from my cheeks.

"You look beautiful no matter what... but there's something about your smile that just make me hate to see tears fall from those eyes," he muttered making me nod again, "so no more tears, only smiles and giggles. Promise?"

"Yeah," I let out a small laugh and dried my cheeks myself.

"Another thing I hate... how you dry your cheeks," he stated and pulled my hands from my cheeks, "you pat the tears away, you don't rub them away. Your skin will get saggy."

"You said I was beautiful no matter what," I let out a small laugh at him.

"You are... but still," he excused making me just nod at him.

"Okay... okay... I'll try and pat it from now on," I assured him.

"Thank you."

I let out another small laugh as I dried my hands in the sleeves of my sweater meanwhile Sunoo leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead.