Promise under the moonlight

- 12 -

Slowly grabbing the door knob, Han entered the small dark room. Litghting up few candles he sat leaning against the smooth yet cold wall. He sighed, thinking about what happened earlier. The way he saw the latter endure the pain while clenching his teeth made his heart ache. Slowly opening a drawer he looked for something and after few seconds of searching a metalic object was found. There weren't much things in the room. Just a few boxes and a table with drawers but for Jisung they meant more than anything he owned. Lowering his head he looked at the dagger. It had such detailed elephant tusked hilt in the colour of soft ivory. The blade was oh so smooth yet the edges were sharp. It belonged to his mother which passed down from her mother. 

Lightly drawing lines against his wrist he watched the blood ooze out painfully slow. For reason unkown he felt numb and dead inside and he knew he wasn't in the right state of mind. But nothing could stop him nor the blade on his grip. All he knew was he couldn't do anything right. At least that's what he thought. He threw the dagger away and it scattered on the floor splattering a few drops of blood around. 

Jisung sighed heavily wanting to know answers why he was pained again and roughly pulled his raven hair frustratedly. The sights of his mother yelling and squirming underneath the beast, how it then turned into ashes amd the howlimg of the wolves just drove him crazy and when the he remembered how Minho walked away out of the room made him guilty for not asking him to stay a little longer and for not embrace him and say sorry until he forgives. Without knowing he cried at the thought of what would happen if he get too close to Minho. He already is in a mess and Jisung didn't want to pull the older in to it. He was a threaten, a pain that would never go away. 

"No. I shouldn't do this to him." 

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He shivered badly as he pulled the covers over him, curling in to a ball but the atmosphere was way too cold. Getting of bed, placing his bare foot on the cold floor he slowly stepped out of bed walked out sniffing trying to find a specific scent qnd ended up in front of a wooden door. He heared the small sounds of a film playing. Taking the courage he knocked on the door.

With a few sounds of different things moving and the some steps the door opened revealing a messy hair Chan. "Lixie?" 

Felix scrunched his nose awkwardly playing with his tiny fingers and spoke. "Um.. Chris c-can I borrow a hoodie of yours? I am cold."

"Come in Lix." Opening the door wider and moving a little away the older motioned and watched him step in. "Sit on the bed. I will get you a hoodie."

Siting himself at the edge of the bed he watched Chan open his closet. He was tall, broader sholders and Felix saw the back muscles from the white t-shirt he wore. Chan was looking even more better than how he remembered him years ago. More handsome. More matured. 

Untill someone wave his hand infront of him, Felix was deep in his thoughts. "Felix."

"Huh?" 

"Lift your arms up." He did as he was told and felt the the cloath being shooved down his hands and head. Chan chukled soflty fixing the now messed brown hair with his long fingers and stared at the shorter with adoring eyes. "How do you feel now?"

"Better." Playing with the hoodies long sleeves that almost covered upto the end of his finger that were folded like cat paws. He gave a small smile and stood up to go back but he didn't want to. "Thankyou. Good night." He reaced the door but stoped when he heard the other calling.

"Felix? Can you stay and sleep here?" Chan rubbed the back of his neck, shyly.

"Aren't you watching a movie?" 

"I am but I can always watch it later." Chan leaned forward holding his hand. "Please, I want you to stay."

Well, how could he refuse? Felix closed the door and nodded, letting the older lead him onto bed after placing his laptop and the bag of chips away. Getting under the warm quilt they were ready to fall asleep, Chan letting the younger rest his head on his left arm and his other hand on his back drawing invisible circles.

They had a comfortable silence lingering around them untill Felix decide to talk. "Chris,"

"Yeah, Lixie." 

"Remeber when ylu made me promise to be happy all the time?"

Chan smiled and nodded. 

"I am sorry." He heared low sniffles. Chan quickly pulled away loking at the smaller boy who cried silently. 

"Hey, Lix. It is okay." Tightly holding him closer he replied. "Dont cry."

"No, Chris. I couldn't even keep a promise for you." Felix protested, trying to talk. "I tried b-but... but they didn't l-let me. I wanted to... s-smile but they would always say I look ugly. I am so sorry! Chris, I really am!" He was crying harder. 

"Lix, you don't have to talk about it right now." 

"No I w-want to tell ... you what happened after you left. Chris, they told me that no one wanted anyone like me because... because I was weak. Even you." Chan wanted to say no but the other kept talking leaving no space. "One day, they humiliated me in the cafeteria and everyone laughed. And then they dragged me to an alley and beat me up untill I couldn't walk. That was the last day I went to school. Why Chris? Why did they hate me so much? Is it true that my freckles make me look ugly? Is it true that I am useless because I am weak?"

"No, Lixie." With a small kiss on his forehead Chan pulled away, wiping the tears with his thumb. "Don't think like that okay? You are absolutely beautiful and you don't know how much your freckles drives people crazy. They look so amazing on you. Anyone could stare at them, stare at you forever. Don't you trust me? You do right?"

He smiled seeing the other nod. "Believe me, Felix. Just by you keeping these feelings in you shows how strong you are. I am proud of you and stop thinking about the past. Think about now. Aren't you happy? We met eacher after we longed for each other for so long. Because I am. I was going insane not being able to see you. And let me again apologise for leaving you like that and not for reaching you out." 

Felix didn't say anything but pulled Chan towards him and buried his face in his chest and wrapped his arms around him making the other laugh and mirror his acfions. He must've been tired after all the crying as he fell asleep so soon.