My Empty World

chapter 21

Lexie offered to follow me home that day.
Once we got to the house I swung my back pack somewhere on the floor and layed on the couch.

She sighed and sat at our table facing me.
"Madi I know you must feel horrible but I can help you out"she said and I snapped my head to her.

"How?"I asked.
"Well for starters I think you should talk to Nick since he's more sensible and also try to figure out who you wanna be with"she said.

"What does it matter even if I figure how I truly feel what if they have already lost interest in me?"I asked and she shrugged.

"I'm not sure of that"she said and I sighed.
"Can you stay over I really need someone"I said.

"Of course let me go make you coffee"she said.
"Thanks"I said and she walked away to the kitchen.

My phone rang which surely caught my attention.
"Hey David what's up?"I asked.

"Well for starters I broke up with Angel"he said.
"What!!!why would you do that?"I exclaimed.

"I'm coming over to your place I can tell you what happened"he sighed.
"Okay"I said before hanging up.

"What was that?"Lexie asked handing me a cup of coffee.
"Nothing it was just David he said he broke up with Angel"I sighed taking a sip from my coffee.

"Who's Angel?"Lexie asked.
"Oh she's his girlfriend"I said and she nodded"no one noticed"she said"that's because she goes to another school"I said and she nodded again.

We talked for a while before we heard a knock on my door.
I walked over to open it to see David.

He looked like he just cried but he masked it up with a blank expression.

Once he got in I hugged him and he didn't hesitate to hug me back.
His tears we're muffled.

"What happened?"I asked.
"It was mutual"he said and plopped on a couch looking at the ceiling.

"She told me that she was having feelings for another guy and that our long distance relationship weren't working out which I would agree on,I did try to make her stay with me but who was I to do that?I let her go,we broke up today but still agreed to be friends"he said still looking at the ceiling.

"It's okay I'm sure the boys were going to video you while you cried like a child"I joked and he laughed.

"Should I be worried that I'm seeing Lexie?"he asked narrowing his eyes at her.

She coughed awkwardly"no you shouldn't I'll explain to you later but can we just watch movie or something?"I asked and they both agreed.

*****
Slowly and slowly I was getting depressed, although Lexie and David we're there for me I just didn't know why I was feeling depressed.

People at school started giving me good enough reason why I should go and commit suicide.

It just sounded so appealing you know.
The moment David turned his back to me I would get bullied.

He wasn't always there and same goes for Lexie,I was getting sick of everything.

Caleb making out with random girls in the hallway while Nick would just give me dissapproving looks.

David who was their friend also started having issues with them because they didn't like me near them,like I was some kind of disease.

Today I was sick so I wore layers of hoodies to avoid cold although I looked buff,I didn't mind.

My skin was getting extremely pale and my ribs were starting to showcase.

I started to feel the need to buy appetite suppressants but I knew better not to.

My parents had taken me to the hospital and the doctor said......

"Madison go wait outside I want to talk to both of your parents"he said offering me a smile.

I nodded but knew that I wouldn't leave,not at all.
Once they thought I left the doctor went straight to the point.

"Mr and Mrs Ryan your child is going through anorexia nervosa"the doctor said.

"What does that mean?"my mom asked.
"It means she's having eating disorders,it's at a stage when a teenager feels the need to get slimmer thinking that they are not perfect because of maybe depression or pressure "he said.

"How do we make sure she doesn't go on with her eating disorder"my dad asked.

"Well make sure she eats and don't let her have a credit card without telling you the use because she might buy appetite suppressants and once she overdoes it might affect her nerve system and it can also endanger her life and I also want you to give her a good enough therapist" the doctor said.

My voice hitched in my throat the doctor was right I haven't been eating not because I was sick.

Since then my parents would make sure to see me eat in the morning before leaving.

I didn't actually tell David or Lexie I didn't want them to get so worried so I would say that I had a high fever.

I had  planned to have a word with Nick to end this once and for fucking all.

****
It was already lunch so I hid at a far corner of the school ready to pull Nick in once he walked pass.

I heard footsteps getting closer I really hoped the person would be Nick.

Once the person got to exactly where I was,I held the person by he's upper arm and dragged him in.

Nick looked startled but as he saw me he replaced it with a frown.

"What do you want?"he asked with annoyance.
"Please Nick I want us to go back to the way we were,I want us to be friends and maybe we can figure out what we really want to be whether friends or being together"I said with pleading eyes and he chuckled coldly.

"look at who's begging now?when I tried to speak you never let me have a chance why now?I really I'm fed up with your pathetic life,I don't know why David won't leave you alone,you deserve to be alone"he said.

Tears were cascading down my eyes but I let him speak,I deserved this.

"You don't need anyone because you can never trust anyone"he said"but let's build our trust on each other again"I said in a weak voice.

"No thanks it will take alot of time"and with that he walked away.

I sat on the floor letting my tears come down.
My eyelids felt heavy and I suddenly felt the need to sleep,it sounded so appealing to sleep.

I knew everyone would just think I was crazy but the anorexia started to take it's toll on me.

It made me weak and always tired I couldn't even get up anymore.
I decided not to care so I laid on the floor and let sleep take me away to my own imagination away from reality.

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