Lost in Hope / / Minsung

Lost in Hope| 36

(Trigger Warning: Suicide, mentions of self-harm, overdose, mature language, slurs. Please feel free to skip if uncomfortable.)

Minho Pov

"Sleep well, Min."

But I didn't. I screamed, thrashed, cried, everything. So when 6am came I gave up on sleep.

I rolled of bed, finding my clothes that were sprawled on the floor from my contestant fits. I throw the shirt over my head and shorts over my legs.

I walk out of the bedroom quietly, not wanting to wake up Chan who had enough of a night trying to calm me down.

I waked carefully down the stairs and looked both ways when I reached the bottom, not sure what room to explore first.

I decided the one on my left looked bigger.

I wander towards the room and peeked in.

It appeared to be a living room. Judging by the shapes of the furniture under the big white cloths I assumed it was two big couchs like were facing each other on the left and right side. A small wooden coffee table sat in the middle and a grand book shelf lined the walls behind it.

I walked past the couches and looked at the bookshelf, old books that went as far back as the 1800s were placed on it. I looked to the left and the room led into the dinning room.

It was simple, long dark oak table with matching chairs with a red runner down the middle. And just like the living room, on your right was the arch into a surprising modern kitchen.

The floor in the kitchen was a yellowing white tile and the walls were a baby blue. Dark oak cabinets with a marble top and matching upper cabinets. Fridge was next to the wall on the right, oven in the middle, sink on the other wall. I went to the fridge and opened it carefully.

No food was in it and it wasn't running either. My stomach growled in hungry and I noticed the bag of snacks beside the fridge.

I smiled and knelt down, going through the bag. I pulled out a bag of chips and started munching on them.

I sighed as I looked around, making my way out of the many rooms to the stairs and take a seat.

There wasn't much to do but that didn't really matter, nothing could really distract me right now.

After finishing the chips I discarded them in a near by trash can and decided to clean.

I narrowed down that the power was on (duh, the lights are working), water was running and we had heat. So I tackled the living room, taking the sheets of the furniture, dusting things, vacuuming, whippig things down and by 8am the living room was spotless.

I opened some windows and found an old sewing box in one of the closets while trying to look for the vacuum and repaired the curtains on the window.

"Hey, Min-"

"Ow! Fuck!" I cursed, shaking my hand then putting my finger in my mouth. Chan scared me and I stabbed my finger with the needle.

"Sorry, mate, are you okay?" Chan asked, walking towards me. I hummed. "What are you doing anyway?" Chan peered over my shoulder after sitting down.

"I got bored and needed to try and get my mind off..." I hesitated. "Things." I finished, going back to sewing.

"You'd make an excellent house wife." Chan teased but stopped when I glared at him.

Chan chuckled and got up. "I'm starving."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for the info."

Chan just sighed and mumbled something like "angry kitty". To which I flipped him the bird.

The older of the two disappeared into the kitchen and let me alone.

I hummed in satisfaction after finishing the curtains and set them aside. Going after Chan, who was sorting our food into the upprt cabinets.

"Oh, Minho?"

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Your phone kept going off when I turned it on-"

"Why did you turn it on?!" I cut him off angrily.

"Well... I thought-" Chan turned around, confused at my sudden out burst.

"Its not your phone! Don't fucking touch whats my, Christopher!" I shot at him, seeing the hurt in his eyes made me feel guilty but I shallowed the lump in my thorat.

"I just-" Chan hung his head low talking to his feet but stopped when I scoffed.

"Just what? Thought I can't fucking take care of myself?! I'm not a kid anymore!" I balled my fists as I yelled at him. This wasn't good, I was hurting him.

"Okay, you don't have to swear." Chan said in an extra small voice.

My angry left when I heard his whisper. I felt guilty when he looked up and tears threatened to fall, he turned his back to me and countined sorting.

My pride taking over I ran out without apologizing and ran my room, slamming the door.

I'm so childish.

That was so uncalled for.

He is so nice to me and I'm just fucking useless.

Ugly,

F*g,

Stupid,

Unimportant,

I just hurt people.

Just a burden.

I walked to my bag and through it open, grabbing sleeping pills, dumping 6 into my plam and tossing them into my mouth.

I chewed them and shallowed, dropping the bottle, letting the pills spill everywhere and not caring.

I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror,

ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and my eyes drooped from the pills.

They soon took over and I fell, smashing my head off the sink on the way down. Pain spread through my body and I groaned in pain before I passed out.

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... I swear Minsung moments soon!