Lost in Hope / / Minsung

Lost in Hope| 45

I layed in my hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Jisung, how are we doing this morning?" The doctor walked in with his usual doctor-patient smile and small talk

"Better." I said, moving to sit up.

"Are you excited to go home?" The doctor asked, refering to me being discharged today.

"Can I see Minho?"

The doctors expression changed to a sad one and I looked away, knowing the answer to the question I had been asking for the past 3 days.

"Unfortunately you cannot. He is still under recovery."

"Ok." I said, used to the usual answer.

"I'm sorry, kiddo, but we will let you know as soon as possible. Just go home, finish your schooling for this semester and get plenty of rest."

I nodded and he walked out. I bit my lip as I felt myself on the verge of crying. I pulled myself off the bed, bare feet hitting the ground when I walked over to the visiting chair where my clothes were stacked In a pile. My father hadn't even called despite knowing the news, he doesn't care. I looked at the clothes, they were the clothes I came in with.

I pulled the hoddie over my head, discarding the hospital gown as I got dressed, setting it on the chair when I finished.

I knew I looked like shit and it was confirmed when I walked over to plastic mirror next to the little kid height measuring tape. Dark circles, puffy eyes, messy hair, chapped lips and pale skin was what stared back at me. Even though I had slept most of my time here I looked like I hadn't in weeks. I slept through the first day completly, second day it took them everything to make my brain remember how to speak and then the two days doing treatments and therapy with me begging to see Minho.

They had put me in the sick kids section of my hospital, I wasn't hurt, but my mental state wasn't good. I walked out of the door and looked around the play room. Felix was sitting with a couple children playing with them. Chan was right behind Felix, he didn't look like he was quite awake, flinching at every screech a child would let out. I walked over to the two and sat down beside Chan who didn't say anything.

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, buddy," I whispered. He looked at me and let out a weak smile.

"Hey, mate. I'm sorry." He said.

"Why are you sorry?"

"If only I had done something different or stopped them from doing it, you would be able to see Minho and-" I cut him off with a hug.

"You better stop right there," I pulled away and looked him dead in the eyes, my eyes pooling with tears. "Don't you dare blame yourself. You sacrificed your job, your education, your life to help Minho get away from the school, from those crazy people. If it weren't for you he might-" Hot tears ran down my face. I took a deep breath to gather myself. " If it weren't for you I wouldn't even have someone to miss right now. I love you, Chan, the only person at blame is those crazy bitches in jail right now, okay?" I asked, voice cracking at the end.

He just nodded, also crying and pulled me into a big hug where we just cried together for a little bit.

"Hey, guys..." Felix's unusually skinny arms made there way around both of us. "We are okay now, everything's fine."

We sat there hugging for a bit.

"Oppa, why are you crying?" One of the little girls how were playing with Felix asked as she walked over. We pulled away from the hug and Felix hugged her.

"We just missed eachother alot." He explained to the same girl.

"Oh, well don't cry because you guys have eachother now! No need to miss eachother if people are right next to you." She said, smiling her brightest smile.

We all looked at eachother, smiling. She was right, we have eachother now. We are just waiting on one person.

I walked out of the hospital, getting a taxi back to my dorm. Chan and Felix were getting realised in a week because of the damage on them both.

When I arrived I found the bundle of my work in front of my door. I picked it up and unlocked my dorm. I walked in and flopped on my bed.

I knew Minho wouldn't be out for a while, even if the hospital told me a couple weeks, it would be more. All that suffering, fear, PTSD, he would need time. And I will wait for him.

I got up and started tidding the apartment, gathering laundry and doing things to take my mind off everything that just happened.

When I finished I took a seat at my desk, pulled out one of my note books and started writing songs. I don't know what came over me but I had ideas and I was going to make them happen.

I wrote till 3am that night, pushing out  song drafts, notes, everything until I collapsed on my bed. If I had to wait months to see Minho I was going to make sure he was proud of me.