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73

i took another swig of alcohol staring at the wall. i've been staring at this wall for god knows how long but i can't stop. i took a deep breath as the flashbacks of everything just hit me like a train wreck.

flashback

" ma" i said looking at her.

" yes baby"

" i love you" i said with a smile.

" i love you too"

" what are your plans for today" she asked me.

" probably just chill with you"

" you've been doing that a lot lately why don't you hang with megan" my mom asked.

" because megan is back at school and what not"

" and your 30 other girlfriends" she questioned me.

" MA" i said and she laughed.

" what you're seen with a different girl everyday" she said.

" okay you don't have to call me out on it" i chuckled.

" sorry not sorry" she said.

" you hungry" i asked.

" yeah i am a bit" she coughed.

i shot to her side.

" i'm fine" she said touching my hand.

she held this sorrow look in her eye.

" are you sure" i asked.

" i'm positive" she said.

" what would you like to eat" i asked her.

" i want some caribbean food"

" i'm glad you do cause same" i said pulling out my phone.

i called up the place and ordered it.

we sat there watching friday together because it was our favorite movie.

the movie ended and i stood up.

" i'm gonna go get the food" i said and she yawned.

" okay" she said.

" you alright" i said walking to her.

" just tired" she said.

"i'll be quick then" i said.

i grabbed my keys and kissed her head.

" i love you" she said.

" i love you too" i smiled then walked away.

i walked down the hallway and hit the button the elevator.

i heard commotion going on so i looked to my left and saw the doctors and nurses rushing into a room.

i squinted my eyes and it looked like the room i just came out of.

i took off running towards the room and rounded the corner to her room to see them doing cpr. my eyes were strained on the sight in front of me.

the woman i loved the most and cared for me had passed and they are trying to bring her back to life.

the nurses and few doctors pulled me away from the sight.

as i was stuck in my head.

another flashback

i watched the casket slowly get lowered ass kendrick held me. i didn't want everyone who didn't give a fuck about my mom here so i invited kendrick, kehlanis aunt, destin, jamari,edward, megan, karrueche, jhené and rihanna.

kehlani couldn't come because she had Adeya but showed her condolences.

i was conflicted and hurt.

i started to sob a kendrick held me tighter.

" i know y/n i know" he said as he also cried.

" why couldn't it be me" i said.

" she's always gonna watch over you y/n and i" he mumbled.

i felt anger and hatred for everyone and to everything.

i got out of kendrick's hold and looked over the casket.

after a few minutes someone touched my shoulder.

i looked and saw cliff.

" don't touch me" i growled out.

he removed his hand and stood next to me.

" i'm sorry that i wasn't.. there" he said.

i chuckled bitterly.

" yeah well shove that sorry up your ass nigga cause that bitch ass sorry ain't finna bring her back" i walked away from him heading to my car.

flashback over

i took another sip and then i got a wave of anger that hit me.

i threw the bottle and it hit the wall and shattered.

i got up then flipped the table making it also shatter.

i just went onto a rampage of destroying my house. i stumbled upstairs and went into the bathroom. i looked at myself in the mirror. i was tired and looked horrible.

i can't live without her.

i opened the cabinet and grabbed the strongest medication i had.

i took the small plastic cup i have in here and put some water in it. i opened the bottle and put a bunch of pills in my hand.

i didn't hesitate to put them in my mouth and down the water to swallow the pills.

i sat on the floor against the wall and chuckled psychotically.

" i'll see you soon mama" i smiled.

A/N

BEFORE YALL KILL ME THIS IS THE END BUT SCROLL TO THE NEXT CHAPTER FUCKERS