He was enticing in every way. The way his body moved swiftly around the ring as I watched him from behind the bar. He was the best. And the best never loses.
When Blake Anderson gets a job as a bartender at the local fight club, Chargers, she meets...
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I forgave him, because I love him.
I didn't justify what he did, I didn't let myself be okay with it, and I wasn't no longer upset. It changed the way I looked at him, but it didn't change the way I felt.
The one thing I didn't let him do was kiss me. Not yet at least. I had to come to terms with the things he does on my own time and it was going to take a lot more than a couple days.
I know his background, I know how he has no choice in the matter, but knowing he has taken the lives of people, even if they aren't innocent, bothers me. It would make any rational person uneasy.
Love blinds you, it blinds every bad part of the person. It makes me wonder how Harry feels. If he feels the same way as me, if he sits in his room on his bed and contemplates what I think about. I think some part of Harry wanted me to run, he thought I deserved better than to stick around and submit myself to whatever life he was being forced to live.
I'm still horrified and bothered by his job. I'm scared of how I'm being roped into this. I'm scared of what will come from it, but I know I have to accept it because I've been chosen. I can't have anyone I care about die because of me.
I'm also angry. I'm angry at Jason for forcing this life on Harry. I'm angry at Harry for even allowing me to become attached to him. But most importantly, I'm angry at myself for falling so quickly for a man I knew nothing about other than the fact that he was unreliable and dangerous.
So here I am, once again on my bed contemplating life. I've been avoiding Anna for days, knowing I'll break down in front of her if she even suspects something is up with me. It's the day of the banquet and I have Harry coming to pick me up in two hours.
He understood I didn't necessarily want to be around him all day, so he slipped me his card and told me to buy whatever dress I wanted and anything else I needed with no budget. I guess he wasn't lying when he said he was loaded.
The only thing I had to do was make sure the dress was fashionable, it was supposed to be formal, but he never followed the dress code exactly. He told me he would match whatever dress I picked out. Everything was up to me. He always went for the night club vibe. So that's what I did. I went for a short leather dress, with black stilettos, definitely not formal, but very nightclub-like.
I didn't send a picture to Harry, but I told him black leather and I think he liked the idea. He said he had the perfect thing to match. Our conversations have been short and mainly one sided. His eyes are always so apologetic, guilty and green like I called them.
It pained me to look into them for so long as I knew he was breaking inside. He was gentle, never raised his voice, the smirk of cockiness was no longer there, and his posture no longer stood tall.
Anyone could tell he was on the brink of depression. I felt bad for putting him in that mental state, I love him of course I felt bad. Even though I forgave him I still felt the need to distance myself from him as I coped with everything. I prayed that I didn't get roped into this after the banquet, I could be in the know but not do anything.
