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hello my sweets. i missed you.

The warehouse days later was honestly a blur

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The warehouse days later was honestly a blur.

A blur of emotions that is.

I remember being so angry the whole ride home I didn't even think about my sweaty palms, my father, the drugs, any of it. I just sat there, stewing in anger at how horrible my boyfriend's father is and how it can negatively impact my life.

Harry didn't try to comfort me. He left me alone, with my space, and let me sit on his bed in peace. Peace was something I needed desperately and I don't think that Harry trying to hold me would do anything for me.

I didn't want to be held by him either. It was almost as if I thought I would feel better if the darkness swallowed me whole.

That night he drove us back to his mansion that is still highly unfamiliar to me, but he said something about not feeling safe with me in my apartment after today. He gave me time alone in his room to let my thoughts wander while he cooked us dinner and took a shower in the guest bathroom.

I took a shower alone as well, just in his master suite.

I didn't feel like eating dinner when I got out. I left myself in a towel for far too long as I watched the television that was mounted to the wall. Mindless television of people and their fake problems. Reality television was like that almost. Fake and fun.

My thoughts sprinted around in my head like never before. I was a different person today. I left Grayson, my ex boyfriend, tied up in a trunk while I rode Harry's thigh and then fucked him roughly in the backseat of his car like never before. While it was hot, it wasn't me.

I haven't been me for a while.

And I think a part of both Harry and I knew that. Harry was just letting me discover that on my own, alone, so I could come to terms with it myself. Then, when I decided I needed him, I would find him.

He mentioned this would happen. He told me this business changes even the strongest of us. Almost like it was a challenge to see who could withstand it the longest. It would push you to your limits and then break you down piece by piece. I knew that, he knew that, Jason knew that. But that's what Jason wanted I suppose.

Jason wanted me to fight the challenge until I couldn't anymore.

My challenge was Harry. He was the thing that was going to break me down and strip me raw. I just don't think Jason expected Harry to be the one to pick up my already broken pieces.

I also noticed that after I left the warehouse that day I never really knew what happened to my father and I don't think I let myself think about it for too long. It always ends up with tears leaking from my eyes and my heart on the floor. It was an endless cycle of thoughts that occurred since he died many moons ago. He was a distant memory and I didn't want that to be the case any longer. When I first told Harry what happened to him, he just looked at me in silence, with pity almost.

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